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Mirror, Mirror -- What Do I See?
"A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror."-Ken Keys Mirrors have a very particular function. They reflect the image in front of them. Just as a physical mirror serves as the vehicle to reflection, so do all of the people in our lives. When we see something beautiful such as a flower garden, that garden serves as a reflection. In order to see the beauty in front of us, we must be able to see the beauty inside of ourselves. When we love someone, it's a reflection of loving ourselves. We have often heard things like "I love how I am when I'm with that person." That simply translates into I'm able to love me when I love that other person. Oftentimes, when we meet someone new, we feel as though we 'click' - sometimes it's as if we've known each other for a long time. That feeling can come from sharing similarities - i.e. personality, background, history, character traits, etc. We are comfortable because part of ourselves is being reflected. Just as the 'mirror' or other person can be a positive reflection, it is more likely that we'll notice it when it has a negative connotation. For example, it's easy to remember times when we have met someone we're not particularly crazy about. We may have some criticism in our mind about the person. This is especially true when we get to know someone with whom we would rather spend less time - as opposed to more. Frequently, when we dislike qualities in other people, ironically, it's usually the mirror that's speaking to us. Example: Several years ago, I joined a friend who had invited several other friends as well. One woman, 'Laura' continuously dominated the conversation. Each time someone tried to interject a thought or start a different thread, Laura always brought it back to her story. It was particularly annoying as I felt there was little opportunity to get to know the other people because Laura consistently put the attention back onto herself. It wasn't until several weeks had passed that I questioned and couldn't understand why was I so disturbed by Laura's behavior as I didn't have to be friends or spend more time with her. Finally, it hit me! When I was REALLY honest with myself, I saw aspects of those same traits in me. I realized that the reason we met was for me to hold up the 'mirror' and see myself behaving in an unfavorable manner. So I began questioning myself further each time I encountered someone that I didn't particularly like. Each time, I asked myself "What is it about that person that I don't like?" And then "Is there something similar in me?' In every instance, and sometimes I had to really get very introspective, I could see a piece of that quality in me. So what did that mean? It means that just as I can get annoyed or disturbed when I notice that aspect in someone else, I better re-examine my qualities and consider making some changes. Even if I'm not willing to make a drastic change, at least I consider how I might modify some of the things that I'm doing. At times we meet someone new and feel distant, disconnected, or disgusted. Although we don't want to believe it - and it's not easy or desirable to look further - it can be a great learning lesson to figure out what part of the person is being reflected in you. It's simply just another way to create more self-awareness. INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT: As you encounter people, see if you can figure out what part of you is being reflected. If you notice negative qualities, see if you are willing to look carefully at that part of you. It's an opportunity for you to make a change for the better. At first, it may seem as though there's no connection. Upon further introspection and giving it some time, you may just figure it out. Marion Franklin - is a Professional Certified Life Coach who coaches individuals and groups regarding personal and professional change, focus, human relations, and conflict management. Marion has coached managers at major corporations including PepsiCo, Toys'R'Us, and Reader's Digest. She conducts and help clients design workshops and presentations, has been a featured presenter at meetings, retreats, and an ongoing Women's Workshop Series, has been cited in The Journal News and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on local Cable Television. www.lifecoachinggroup.com">http://www.lifecoachinggroup.com
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Fear No Evil - How To Avoid Worry And Fear "Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me."Do these words have meaning for you? Are you able to live them? Is your faith that strong? For most of us, the answer is probably no. The Cracked Pot Letters on Life#3Some experiences you never forget. In some of them there is great learning. Charity - Give To Receive! We all know the truism that "charity begins at home." Does it? And what is charity about, anyway? Is it just a square on a Monopoly game to you or is it a regular practice of giving from your abundance to those in need?My American Heritage dictionary has 5 definitions of charity. Moneys Sad Lack of Intrinsic Value A good number of my columns deal with finances and money-related issues. Obviously, these are issues we have to confront everyday. A Brick Wall Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 18, 2003Two years ago I divorced, and there is still a lot of hostility.My former husband has been served with contempt papers for not paying child support. The Research Sector Kevin had worked as a barber at The Clipper Joint for the past five years. He has dreams of opening his own barbershop one day. Body Calling: Eye Sight Cured Naturally Lorenzo C. an inspiring young teenager who fell to the inevitable statistics of a major automobile accident. Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow The problem with waiting until tomorrow is that when it finally arrives, it is called today. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. My Passion, My Life Every morning I excitedly get out of bed. Just a few minutes of goals and visions for the day swirl in my head. Ask the Angels - Get Specific ! There are Angels for everything and they are just waiting for us to ask for their help. They can't help if we don't ask. On Sunsets and Telecom Another perfect sunset seen from Redondo Beach, California. Since arriving here in June I've had the pleasure of watching many sunsets while jogging or walking along the Redondo "Strand," and have yet to tire of the endless beauty of each individual sunset. The Thief of Fulfillment Why does this happen?It's all to do with the way the subconscious perceives survival. It knows that you are in a safe position and that survival is more or less guaranteed if you carry on in the same way. The Four Emotions that Can Lead to Life Change Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. Your True Talent Will Set You Free When you get home from work, do you feel enriched, fulfilled and empowered? Or does it seem like you just finished an uphill battle on a treadmill? Imagine being paid to do what you love. You could return home feeling as though time stood still. Playing With Fire Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 21, 2002I am a stay-at-home mom, 24, married to my husband, 26, for six years. He has a problem chatting with young girls online. Turning Your Life Over To God and Trusting Him To Lead You Is Like . . . . . . . Future Prediction Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 13, 2004I'm in a long-distance relationship that is five months old; of those five months we have spent a total of 15 days together spread over a two month period. As in all relationships it was wonderful in the beginning. Go Between Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 16, 2003I enjoy reading your column every week. I want to tell you about a family problem I am having at present. I.Q. You Q. He, She, or It Qs. I have, in recent years, come to believe that IQ tests are a waste of time for most of us, and a waste of money for some of us. In fact, as a general rule of thumb, if you want to know how stupid you are, check to see if you're paying for an online IQ test. Super Mom, Wonder Woman, Energizer Mommy or Just Mom Have you ever sat down to watch the evening news and flashes a News Report about a woman that died with 100 cats, house full of trash and stacks of newspapers to fill 100 dump trucks? In my single days, I use to live by a lady like this. The entire neighborhood would talk about her but none of us ever went over there to see if she needed anything or if I could help her clean her house.
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