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3 Big Fat Lies that Deserve to Die
Big Fat Lie 1: Your personality is formed and unchangeable by age 5 or 6 Somehow we have accepted the idea that we are complete by age 5 or 6 because some "learned psychologist" said so. Recent research reveals, however, that our neocortex, the front part of our brain that is responsible for reasoning and decision-making, is still developing well into late adolescence. I can hear the parents of teens saying "Well, duh!" If you pause to think about this notion, it really makes little sense, for at least two reasons: 1) It implies that people cannot change, and my 25 years of working with people makes me conclude just the opposite it true. Although just about every phase of my work life involves talking with people, I am basically a shy person. In high school and college there was a guy in our church who was very friendly to everyone, and just about everywhere we went, he knew someone. Because I admired this, I watched and modeled some of his behavior because my shyness was something I very much wanted to change. 2) If you are 40 years old and everything was formed and complete by age 5, then this implies that you have wasted the last 35 years. I doubt that to be true Big Fat Lie 2: Time heals all wounds. We have all heard this one many times. Sounds good, doesn't it? The problem is that time does not heal all wounds. The reality is this: all time does is pass. It's what we do while time is passing that makes the difference. I've worked with people that have had huge tragedies in their lives, and because of the way they handled it, were doing fairly well relatively soon. I've also worked with people who have had misfortune in their lives who talk about it as if it were last week when, in fact, it occurred 15 years ago. They have kept it alive and recent for them. It's what we do while time passes that makes the difference. Big Fat Lie 3: The first cut is the deepest From Rod Stewart to Sheryl Crow, "the first cut is the deepest" has become an accepted myth about relationships. The first breakup is supposed to be the worst and most difficult. "Isn't this supposed to hurt more?" I've even had teens and adults say, as if there were doing something wrong with not being broken-hearted enough. The reality is that the deepest cut, or most hurt, comes in the relationships where you have cared, loved and given the most. The difficult task is to recover enough to, in the words of the song, "try to love again." It's an important thing to accomplish, otherwise you give the other person way too much power over you. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
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Giving Life Meaning Have you thought about what you want people to say about you after you're gone? Can you hear the voices saying, "He was a great man." Or "She really will be missed. Letting Go and Letting Be In Corrogue it is frosty.The earth is hard and unyielding. Nurture Your Heart Pregnant with her first child, Jill could barely contain her excitement over the dreams and hopes she cherished for her unborn baby, whom she had already named Mara (she was so sure it was a girl). She practiced the lullabies she would sing as she nursed Mara close to her breast. The Karate Kid I have an unexpected relationship problem. It's hard to believe it has become such an issue but it has. The Art of Letting Go It has been six months since I left the corporate world - and there are some things I will always miss. Like saying good morning to colleagues on my way to the office where I worked every day. Sixty-Second Caring "How are you doing?" you ask. There's a pause before the reply. How Four Words Can Enhance Your Life Of Prayer (Pray More In My Hectic Day? You Cant Be Serious) "I would like to pray more. But . How to Scare Fear Out of Your Life A reader asks: "Many times in my life I have let fear rule me and stop me from doing something I wanted to do. Do you have any suggestions for how to handle fear?"There are many successful strategies for dealing with fear in your life. What is My Life Purpose? Why am I here?If you haven't already asked this question, I'm sure you will. Sooner or later most of us do. Why Buddhism Succeeds - The Right Thing is the Thing to do The ongoing teachings are exemplified in an understanding and execution of two ideas, which I will briefly describe:Karma: the Buddhist interpretation is in the words and actions of the individual. It means that good work brings about a good rebirth, and that each rebirth is a reflection of the good living and good deeds in the prior life. My Lost Immortality Oh my God, I'm not immortal anymore! What happened? Where's my neverending youth? My long summers? My bright future?Gone, gone, and.. Coming To Your Senses, Again and Again! When we talk about the Enchanted Self we are referring to positive states of mind and body that are unique to each of us. We are also referring to the process by which we tap into our Enchanted Self. Conspiracy of Silence Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 12, 2004I'm hoping you can help me with a moral problem that crops up every now and then in my personal and professional life. Sometimes I find myself being blamed for an error or lack of judgment that actually occurred on someone else's part. Blessings for the Soul In Corrogue I count my Blessings.These are numerous. Letting Go Of Perfection "The power of discovery enables us to achieve excellence without having to be "perfect.'"- Thomas Crum, The Magic of ConflictI arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. Escape into Reality and Find Love The early months of this year brought major challenges, as well as blessings, for many folks. They certainly brought many unique challenges and blessings for me. Clicking to Good Vibrations! Recently my dad visited me in Victoria, BC. He is THE most appreciative person I know!While we were out shopping one day, I insisted upon stopping at one place and then another and another--intensly searching for a specific item. Improving Your Self Esteem Often in our society, we are bombarded with the lives of celebrities. We can end up feeling that if we are not part of the rich and famous, our lives are insignificant. The Miracle of Personal Development One day Mr. Shoaff said, "Jim, if you want to be wealthy and happy, learn this lesson well: Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. Have You Ever Felt GOD in You? God is the primordial Creative Force that is believed to have created each atom that we see around us. When you sit and muse, have you ever heard a voice inside you talking to you? That is the voice that is in you, whom you may also call GOD.
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