|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Shame and Guilt: A World of Difference
Learning to distinguish between two powerful emotions - superficially very similar but in practice, very different - is essential not only for healthy self-esteem but for fulfilling interpersonal relationships. Jill and Sharon (not their real names) worked on the same projects in close proximity to each other in a relatively small office. Their work was very pressured with one tight deadline to meet after another. Small wonder that the two of them were continually treading on each others toes and from time to time, the very palpable tension between them would boil over into heated arguments. One day they had such a fierce confrontation that if they hadn't been the mature adults that they were, it might very easily have become physical. The next day, Jill didn't report for duty. Neither was she at work on the following day - nor the one after that. When her boss and her fellow workers made enquiries, they discovered that for some time she had been suffering, on and off, from a serious illness that she had hidden from everyone. When Sharon learned of this, she almost went out of her mind. The last spat between the two of them kept replaying itself in her head. Maybe she was responsible for the sudden deterioration in her co-worker's health? Even assuming that the disease had been afflicting Jill for a long time already, perhaps Sharon's biting sarcasm and the force of her anger had weakened Jill further and made the condition worse? It took many soothing words, a great deal of patience and hours of gentle explanation on the part of Sharon's sympathetic but firm husband to get her eventually to snap out of her alternating hysteria and depression. He repeated over and over again that while the unkind words both Sharon and her colleague had hurled at each other were certainly not to be condoned, it was unreasonable and illogical to accept blame for Jill's deteriorating health. Most importantly, explained Sharon's husband, the overpowering feeling of guilt that was driving her to distraction every moment of the day was preventing her from functioning properly and was serving no one's interests - not hers and certainly not Jill's. I recently wrote a short article that I called ezinearticles.com/?id=22249">Shame Should Be a Badge of Honor, which somehow hit a raw nerve for many and attracted a lot of interest. I decried the lack of healthy shame in today's society, a lack which leads to people committing dishonest, indecent, immoral and unethical acts under the public gaze in broad daylight without as much as batting an eyelid. In it's purest form, shame is a positive, healthy phenomenon. It is rooted in the desire for self-improvement and involves working with the intellect. It's all about personal responsibility, and is an elevating experience that provides an impetus for growth and promotes human dignity. It ultimately leads to enhanced interpersonal relationships. Irrational Guilt, on the other hand - in the sense that I'm talking about here - is not about self-control, but rather the reverse. It's a debilitating and even crippling experience that erodes self-esteem and has no positive outcome. It's not about the intellect. It's about the heart ruling the head in the most negative sense. In the end, rather than bringing people closer to their fellows, it creates barriers between them. This is surely a point of crucial significance. In practice, how do we ensure that positive shame will never degenerate into irrational guilt? Sometimes it's far from easy, as we see from Sharon's unfortunate episode. In extreme cases, professional help may be required, especially when recurring guilt feelings are precipitated by one or more traumatic incidents in a person's past life. Generally speaking, though, there's one yardstick that's useful in many different situations in determining whether a certain feeling, state of mind, or attitude is positive and constructive or unhealthy and destructive. What we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and ask ourselves the following question: "Honestly, what's motivating me? Is it my ego or am I motivated by a sincere interest in the the party I'm involved with or in the people around me?" Azriel Winnett is creator of hodu.com">Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular free website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene. New articles added almost daily. Visit Azriel's blog at: hodu.com/blog">http://hodu.com/blog.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
 |
|
|
Careful What You Wish For... I have always been fascinated by the concept of "wishing.", especially "collective wishing. Why My Wife Is My Hero My name is Chas Brothers. Many of you know me as an author of motivational articles directed towards both big and small business alike. Irresistible Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 29, 2003I'm attracted to my manager. He was the one who showed his interest to me first by complimenting me and making wonderful eye contact. To Raise Your Frequency, Just Turn on the Joy! The feeling response to being filled up with Love from your Spirit is joy. Higher frequency energy-Love-activates a joy response in your emotional body. A Plausible Defense Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 5, 2002I just looked at your website and read "Wanting To Be Caught," and I truly think that is awful advice! You said and I quote, "You can't act as if you had no wish to end the marriage when you undertook marriage ending actions."I have just been caught cheating on my husband of 16 years, and at no point was I wanting to end my marriage. The Theft of Fire "Igne Natura Renovatur Integra" (By fire is nature renewed whole.) -Alchemical maxim"The whole idea [of the hero's journey] is that you've got to bring out again that which you went to recover, the unrealized, unutilized potential in yourself. Message From An Angel - Is It Yours ? This is a message from an Angel. Can you relate? Is it yours?Golden light shining in the darkness. Lifestyle Changes - A Conscious Choice! Are you ready for a change? Is it time for those plans that you've been thinking about for so long? Now is a good time for making plans, for lifestyle changes, starting over, finding new directions and developing as a human being. Now is a very good time for creating your own personal lifestyle and a life that you have chosen to live. Life Lessons I Learned from My Cat Even if you are not a cat person, bear with me, as this story goes far beyond cat mania. Our little tabby cat was frightened and highly-sensitive from the day we rescued her from the SPCA, two and a half years ago. Good-Bye Yesterday, Hello Today Many of us are unable to move forward with our lives because we refuse to let go of what no longer exist: YESTERDAY. The portal to yesterday is permanently closed; gone out of business. The Most Important Investment You Can Make For Your Old Age - And No, Its Not Money! When I was twenty-two, I was befriended by a woman named Doris who was thirty years older than I was. Although Doris was then a fifty-two year old woman, she did not feel it was inappropriate to befriend me. Win Your Own Lotto When people talk about enrichment, they are usually thinking of financial enrichment. (Show me the money!) But, we can enrich many other aspects of our lives too such as: spiritual, mental, physical, and social, as examples. Care And Maintenance Of The Human Hard Drive The human brain is very much like a hard drive. If you stop to think of it, they are both filled with billions of tiny bits of information, stored in the memory cells just waiting to be accessed. Repeat Offender Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 8, 2002I am a 26-year-old escort, in the business on and off since I was 14. I have a tendency to get involved in very bad relationships. All You Want is Within Your Reach If there is one thing that I believe with all my heart it is that you can have any life you choose to. You can live the life you have always dreamed of. Turning 40 Most of us, at one point or another, take a moment to evaluate our lives and the paths that we have chosen to take. We each do it at different times and with different emphasis. From the Hint of a Rainbow to... The grey sky of morning contained an ominous quality. The clouds were so thick they were almost tangible. A Life Time of Strategic Thinking You may be one of the thousands who think "Strategic Thinking" applies only to the "captains" of business. But consider human stages of life and how Strategic Thinking is used at the most rudimentary level. Recognize the Perfect Realtor As soon as you have launched a strong desire, the answer is on its way. In that moment the Universe/God begins to orchestrate every person, event, and resource necessary to fulfill your desire. Flaming Fire Within Our Bones Jeremiah was certainly one of the most distinguished notables of the Old Testament. To read his messages and experiences is to become acquainted with a great servant of God.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||
| Interesting sites: site map- backup program- Bali travel guide haba legetj- V2 snus- |