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Nothing To Celebrate
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 12, 2002 I came across your column by accident. Boy, was it impeccable timing. I am sitting here writing you on my anniversary weekend. Home alone, while my husband is on a three day golf fling with his buddies. I have cried for two days. This is a reality check for me, knowing our problems through 23 years are still there even after counseling. Should I be crying, or is it time to get out? And did I mention he spent New Year's Eve at a basketball game while I stayed home alone? I know most golfers would not want to give up a weekend with their buddies, but does a truly happy man give up the invitation for the sake of his wife? I am a person who feels, thinks, then decides. My husband is a person who thinks, decides, then feels. Josey Josey, with tears in her eyes, a woman told us this story. She and her husband planned a cruise with another couple. Their 25th wedding anniversary fell in the middle of the cruise. When the other couple couldn't make it, her husband canceled their reservations also. In her heart, this is what she felt. "I love you. I want to go on this trip even more now. We can have a second honeymoon." But she didn't speak up. She thought he should know her feelings, but her silence confirmed what he did. Sometimes couples run in so many directions at once, they get off course. Then a simple, open statement of feelings can clarify things. If your husband's disconnection was unintentional, it suggests one course of action. If it was done with the knowledge or intention to hurt you, it suggests another. Wayne A Covey Of Counselors Last year I cheated on my girlfriend and she found out. It was awful. We broke up and I undertook therapy, which was a great thing for me to do. She was and continues to be in therapy, and she is a therapist herself. When we got back together, we were very codependent. It seems we were not totally able to rebuild trust. Though we traveled and practically lived together the last few months, we also got into criticism wars about the most stupid things. Last month she found a job. I criticized her for not committing more to our relationship and for spending too much time working. She became attracted to her boss. This guy, who has offered her lots of money not to leave, values her professionally. A week ago she broke up with me. At first she said it has nothing to do with her job, then she admitted she had strong feelings for her boss. Now they have already spent nights together. I am devastated. I am currently unemployed and living at my mother's, and he is older and successful. I really love her and want her back. I have a wild hope this is all about getting even and that she will come back to me in time. Mac Mac, I have a wild hope this is all about you getting your life together. What you need to focus on is getting a job, standing on your own two feet, and paying your own bills. You're clinging to a relationship in which you are in therapy, your girlfriend is in therapy, she is a therapist, and she is sleeping with her boss, a therapist. Maybe, just maybe, therapy isn't going to save this relationship. You are jobless and dependent on your mother. Being with your girlfriend would be a definite step up for you, but if you were pursuing a career and lived in a place of your own, the world would look different to you. Right now you are looking for a relationship to help you out of your hole. You need to focus on helping yourself out of the hole. Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Material Girl Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 16, 2002I recently went on a date with this guy I met online. We had been emailing for a few weeks before we decided to go out together. A Resurrection Story My mother often wound up in the hospital during the last decade of her life. She had good health insurance and a good many ailments, and she generally outstayed two or three hospital roommates. The Cracked Pot Letters on Life#3Some experiences you never forget. In some of them there is great learning. Facing the Enemies Within We are not born with courage, but neither are we born with fear. Maybe some of our fears are brought on by your own experiences, by what someone has told you, by what you've read in the papers. All Is Going Well? The true test in life does not occur when all is going well. The true test takes place when we are faced with challenges. How to Guarantee a GREAT Day Every Day! I have a standing interview every Monday morning on a radio station in the southeast that I enjoy very much. You can imagine though that it can become routine. Pride Goeth Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 25, 2002My boyfriend's daughter (I'll call her Mary) got married six months ago. She is 19 and pregnant. Tsunami This article was channelled through me by an entity called Joseth (My name for the creator)Good morning Roy, good morning JosethRoy? Your world is going through a period of awakening with the advent of the Tsunami disaster. Global attention is now on relief measures for the survivors and relatives of those lost. There Is Always Room For Improvement When I was twelve my parents bought me a five foot snooker table for my birthday. This turned out to be the best present I was ever bought and I quickly became hooked on the game. Doing the Remarkable When it comes to meeting and conquering the negativity in your life, here is a key question: what can you do, starting today, that will make a difference? What can you do during economic chaos? What can you do when everything has gone wrong? What can you do when you've run out of money, when you don't feel well and it's all gone sour? What can you do?Let me give you the broad answer first. You can do the most remarkable things, no matter what happens. Super Mom, Wonder Woman, Energizer Mommy or Just Mom Have you ever sat down to watch the evening news and flashes a News Report about a woman that died with 100 cats, house full of trash and stacks of newspapers to fill 100 dump trucks? In my single days, I use to live by a lady like this. The entire neighborhood would talk about her but none of us ever went over there to see if she needed anything or if I could help her clean her house. The Dot We have all grown up in an age where exploration into dramatic new territory has become routine. We have had people travel into space to live for short periods of time. Nine Lives Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 2, 2002My husband of four years has been arrested for the fourth time for hurting me. This time he strangled me. The Inspiration Factor The first thing that an aspiring leader must realize is that they must be inspiring! That is, they must be capable of, and willing to inspire people on to greater things than if the leader were not in their lives.So, is this too grandiose an ideal for the average local business owner? Absolutely not. The Brilliant You, Unreleased! You're a remarkable person. But, you knew that already. Wanna Trade Places? Even immediately after my car accident, every single person who saw me was pleasantly shocked at how "great" I looked. Funny how much a little concealer and a new hair style can make anyone look fabulous. Random Thoughts on Living Your Best Life More things I've noticed along the way:* Our son's birthday is Sept. 11. Wow a Butterfly! Okay, I am sure that you clicked on this title out of curiosity. Wow a butterfly; what would a butterfly have to do with self help content? And you are right. Eight Choices You Can Make Today that Will Change Your Life Forever The direction of our lives is determined by the choices we make every day. They accumulate and add up to our ultimate destiny. Each Moment Is To Be Treasured Let us grasp and treasure each precious moment of our lives. The previous moment is gone and the next is on its way.
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