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A Teller Of Tales
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 10, 2002 I told my daughter I didn't think my daughter-in-law paid enough attention to her oldest son, 8. He has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is on Ritalin, and lately has been kicking and hitting little kids. My daughter and I had a falling out, and she told my daughter-in-law what I said. My daughter-in-law was furious. I tried to explain that I did not call her a bad mother. Well, you can imagine what happened. We haven't spoken in a week. Do I let time take care of this, or do I send her the letter I wrote trying to explain myself? I am very family oriented and, most of the time, pretty direct. Probably to a fault. My daughter and I are not speaking either, so at this point I am estranged from both girls, and my four grandsons. By the way, I am 57 and divorced. Selma Selma, you shouldn't be surprised by your daughter's actions. As she grew up, how many times did she watch you make statements about others when they were not around? This time the person not present happened to be you. You fashioned your own punishment. The statement you made about your daughter-in-law accomplished nothing. It was nothing but criticism. It wasn't said to aid or assist. She is dealing with a difficult problem which medication helps but doesn't cure, and you offered no solution. Now you are estranged from your daughter, daughter-in-law, their husbands, and your grandchildren. Is this what you want? Doesn't it indicate a need to look within yourself for a solution? Someday you may finally say something that an apology won't fix. It is never too late to admit we have more to learn. If family is what you value, then redefine your role within the family. Your role is not to speak whatever thought crosses your mind. Your role is to love, care, and help. If what you are thinking doesn't do one of those three things, don't say it or do it. It will be easier to get past this if the other family members believe you are going to make a true change. But if you apologize and don't change, that will make your apology worthless. The others will say, "She wasn't really sorry. She's at it again." Revise the letter to your daughter-in-law, then send it. Strive to be the person admired by your family as the one they can trust to help them when possible, the one who maintains a confidence when she can't help, and the one who loves them always. Alice Roosevelt Longworth said, "If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here beside me." It's a clever line, and criticism makes us feel superior to others, but there is always a price to be paid. Wayne & Tamara Backlash I'm 17 and have been going out with my girlfriend for five months. She has a lot of male friends, about eight close ones, and she is very outgoing. I completely trust her, but I get really mad when I see her talking to other guys. My jealousy is tearing our relationship apart, and we're going to break up for a couple of days so she can think about things. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I need help fast. Steve Steve, jealousy is about ownership and control, snooping and suspicion. It has nothing to do with love. You cannot get love by grasping too tightly. The only way you can get it is by giving another the opportunity and freedom to show they love you. Jealousy puts a damper on a relationship from both directions. One grasps, the other wants to flee. Grasping accuses another of doing something wrong, and they will seek to escape. When someone loves you, a tight grasp is not required. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Re-Define Realistic: True Power Series This is the eighth article in our "True Power" series. If you haven't been following the series, visit TheARTrepreneur. A Life Touched Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 17, 2003Back when I was in grammar school, every once and awhile I would meet up with a girl my age and talk. Lisa never was around much, but she was always very sweet and nice. Misery Can Eat You Alive This is a true story about a woman I worked with for several years.I'm sure we all know at least one person who cannot find a good thing to say about anything or anyone. Everybody is Somebody I wrote about my life and all that I have had to go through. I also ended that story with a little bit about how my life has since changed, but I want to take it further. Giving Can Overcome Language Differences I recently had to take a trip to Germany. It has been more than ten years since making my last international trip. The Dead Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 9, 2004I love my wife with all my heart and soul. She is now and will ever be the other half of my heart. The Karate Kid I have an unexpected relationship problem. It's hard to believe it has become such an issue but it has. Realistic Living " The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he purposes to remove." - Samuel JohnsonThe one person, who is of more importance to you than anyone else in the world, is just - YOU. Loving You The difficulty in finding love that is good for you stems from the same difficulty you have loving yourself. For those who believe in God or a higher power, to not love yourself is to not love the very source of your existence. Follow Your Dreams: Believe In You What you believe in the inside, to a large extent determines how your life turns out. If you believe you cant, chances are, you are right. The Angels on My Path I'm leaving on a TV tour in a few weeks. I'm going to be on the road. Discovering The Art of Bending Your Mindset And Manifesting Your Multiple Intelligences Discovering the Art of Bending Your Mindset and Manifesting your Multiple Intelligences in selling.Doctor's cant' sell Real Estate! What's your mindset? A number of people related this statement to me when I first decided to get into sellingreal estate over 20 years ago. When Human Beings Take It To The Limit In life we all have dreams and goals, aspirations to follow a certain path that will lead to social achievements and personal growth. We all hope to fulfill a destiny where we can put all of our efforts into one activity or more that helps the world in one way or another. Challenge Your Problems Life teaches us in peculiar ways. It knocks us down. Random Thoughts on Living Your Best Life More things I've noticed along the way:* Our son's birthday is Sept. 11. Guard Your Heart It was 1:30 A.M. Spiritual Bread Making All the ingredients to make 12 loaves of bread already exist. The probability that any kind of bread already exists in your reality and it is simply is a matter of combining ingredients to create a possibility. Reclaiming Our Resilient Spirit Our spirits are taking a beating. The daily barrage of bad news, violence, shrinking resources, global warming, and economic slowdown can put us in a state of frustration and paralysis. The Seasons Of Life, Part 4 of 5 This week is Part Four of our five part series on The Season's of Life.In Part One of the series we discussed:a) That life is about constant, predictable patterns of change. Caste Out Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 29, 2003I am a 28-year-old Indian lady. I am in love with a 30-year-old Indian guy for the last four years.
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