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An Unquenched Thirst
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 9, 2002 I'm engaged to a wonderful, warm and loving man whom I've been with for four years. We have always had mismatched libido. I would prefer to have sex nearly every day, but he would choose once a week or less. Early in our relationship we fought about this issue. He let me see that if I asked for sex much more than he wanted, he felt diminished as a man. So I've adjusted by limiting myself to only rarely initiating sex. He's adjusted in offering me more verbal and nonsexual physical affection each day. Lately I'm worrying this issue will spell disaster down the road. Even as I've accustomed myself to having infrequent sex, there has been no adjustment to my libido. I find myself daily fantasizing and writing explicit stories (starring him). I don't hide these things from him, but I mostly keep quiet about them because I fear he feels my sexuality strange. Is this type of problem a deal-breaker when it comes to marriage? Georgiana Georgiana, you are talking about making permanent something which isn't adequate or acceptable now. It doesn't matter that you have a history with him or that you have a certain amount of feeling for each other. You both made a concerted effort to come to a mutually satisfying outcome, and it's not working. The next step, marriage, should occur when a relationship is so fulfilling now that marriage will only enhance and deepen it. Glossing over issues puts off the day of reckoning, and wishes don't change reality. If you don't deal with reality now, reality will deal with you later. At the end of Hemingway's novel "The Sun Also Rises," a woman laments what might have been. "We could have had such a damn good time together," she says. If things had been right. But they weren't. Wayne Premature Eviction My boyfriend is in the middle of a divorce which will be final next month. He was married 20 years, with no children. We have a very solid relationship. In fact, it is the best relationship I ever had with a man. My boyfriend wants to remain friendly with his ex-wife, but not the kind of friend you hang out with. He says he has no intention of getting back together with her, nor she with him. Two months ago, his father was hospitalized. My boyfriend often picked up his wife to visit his dad in the hospital. His ex-wife was like a daughter to him. When his father died three days ago, I was the first person my boyfriend called. Since I am a writer by profession, he asked if I would write the eulogy for the family-only memorial service. Over breakfast I met his mom and "interviewed" her about her husband. I loved meeting her, and she opened up to me. I wrote the eulogy later in the afternoon. My boyfriend read it and cried. He said it was perfect. I wasn't invited to the memorial, but his soon-to-be ex was there along with members of the immediate family. His wife is still very close to his mother. I want her to get lost. How can I keep her from hanging around in the future? Naomi Naomi, people come not only with a personality, but with a whole set of past relationships. Your boyfriend's wife had a long relationship with his parents. You are not grieving for his father, she is, and he is still married to her. That doesn't put you in the front seat yet; it means you are still in the back seat. The writing of the eulogy was something you did out of love for your boyfriend. It was not a ticket to the funeral. Don't try to evict his wife before her lease is up, and realize that some of her relationships, and his, will endure into the future. Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Dreams Do Come True Experience has made a lot of folks to consider dreams to be fantasies, unattainable, galaxies away from reality.Some folks believe dreams do come true. Giving Can Overcome Language Differences I recently had to take a trip to Germany. It has been more than ten years since making my last international trip. Mirror, Mirror -- What Do I See? "A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. The Priceless Gift of a Knee-High Smile She was just over knee-high standing next to me in the checkout line. I first saw her eyeing a display of candy as she followed her mother and brothers through the store. Go Between Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 16, 2003I enjoy reading your column every week. I want to tell you about a family problem I am having at present. A Resurrection Story My mother often wound up in the hospital during the last decade of her life. She had good health insurance and a good many ailments, and she generally outstayed two or three hospital roommates. How A Sense Of Wonder Makes Life Richer It always amazes me when I meet someone who has a disdain for expansion of knowledge.The other day, over lunch, I was arguing with a girl about a principle of abundance. Just Let 'Em Go! I remember when I was just a little guy probably about 4 or 5 years old, I was fascinated by snakes. Not any particular type of snake - just snakes in general. Principles That Govern My Life The strength and durability of a building is found in its foundation. The same is true in a life. Heart Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 24, 2004I am the mother of a 6-year-old child. My husband is an alcoholic and refuses to realize it because he can skip a few days, once in awhile, before drinking again. The Most Important Investment You Can Make For Your Old Age - And No, Its Not Money! When I was twenty-two, I was befriended by a woman named Doris who was thirty years older than I was. Although Doris was then a fifty-two year old woman, she did not feel it was inappropriate to befriend me. Michael Vick is Average Michael Vick can do wonders on a football field, but don't think of him as an anomaly. He is just like you and me. Important Things to Know / Remember About Life I love you not because who you are, but because who I am when I am with you There is no one in this world that worth your tears, and if they are, they will never make you cry. If someone loves you not in the way you would like to, it does not mean that they don not love you in their own way A good friend is the one that will hold your hand and will touch your heart. Musicians Survival was Truly a Miracle: Singer Songwriter Fights for his Life Every morning when singer-songwriter Michael Alan looks into the mirror and sees the surgical scar across his chest he is reminded of how lucky he is to be alive. Three years ago he suffered a major heart attack and a year after the episode he was required to have open-heart surgery. Ctrl-Alt-Delete Your Life Ah, the good old "Vulcan nerve pinch", the three-fingered salute, the one-handed solution to many backhanded aggravations. How simple, how effective, how instantaneously gratifying to the mind behind the mouse. Money or Faith? I've been to 64-countries, and yes money comes in handy, and goes quickly (and is useful and has its influence), I've had a ton of it at one time or another and an ounce of faith, and I'll take faith any day-why? I'll explain. Anybody who has been in a combated zone, under fire will tell you: '?keep the money, I need faith right now. Meatballs: Friend, or Foe? We all have those moments, don't we? We're right in the middle of a project, and it's simply not going well.Like me, you may find yourself becoming irritated, wishing you could find an easier way to get the job done (or even eliminate it completely. Personal Philosophy is Like The Set of The Sail We have all experienced the blowing winds of disappointment, despair and heartbreak. Why, then, would each of us, in our own individual ship of life, all beginning at the same point, with the same intended destination in mind, arrive at such different places at the end of the journey? Have we not all been blown by the winds of circumstances and buffeted by the turbulent storms of discontent?What guides us to different destinations in life is determined by the way we have chosen to set our sail. Launch Yourself Into Living Memorial Day weekend, 2004, found my wife and I along with friends, relaxing in a nice camp setting in Hershey, Pennsylvania. We had a great time at the Hershey Factory Tour Experience, which included, among a dozen other attractions, an excellent 3D movie presentation which wasn't quite like a movie at all, but a true experience, complete with misters and blowers that would alternately sprinkle you with a fine spray of water or tickle your ankles with a subtle burst of air, in concert with events happening on screen. The Author Within You! I always had an active imagination when I was young. I hated school, and would pass the time away day- dreaming about things I should not even have known about at such a young age.
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