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Put To The Sword
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 23, 2002 My girlfriend has an aggressive sense of humor. She teases and likes to parry put-downs. She says it is all in fun, and it is very important that she can joke with her partner. She thinks I am thin-skinned and overly sensitive. Indeed I know I am sensitive, but this is a vicious circle which makes me more and more sensitive. No doubt this kind of dialogue is very common amongst some people. I witness it almost daily with friends or certain colleagues. To me there are limits and obviously my limits are different than hers. I'm working on being less sensitive, but the only way to do that is to numb myself, which doesn't give her the participation she wants. She says she will try to do it less, but it always comes back. I do not think she believes there is a problem on her side. She's said she wants this in a relationship, and if I can't handle it, maybe we aren't right for each other. Other parts of our relationship are great, but I don't understand why a clearly negative behavior is so important, especially for an intelligent person. Albert Albert, your girlfriend is good at swordplay, but she can't fence by herself. She wants you to play so she can feel good about herself. She has a fondness for something hurtful. That says more about her character than you realize. There is a difference between humor and wit. Humor puts us in the same boat as the other person, while wit throws us out of the boat and into the water with the sharks. That is why humorists are often loved, while wits are often quoted but seldom loved. Your girlfriend is a wit. She is not too thick-skinned to realize she hurts others. Most likely she simply doesn't care. Making you wince is part of her nature. Look for a girlfriend who wants to row the boat with you, not feed you to the fishes. Tamara Love And Money I have been in a relationship for two years. Early on my boyfriend became angry about picking up the tab, even though I offered many times and he turned me down. We worked through that and I try to be aware of equality. Recently we were driving to a party for a coworker. I also consider her a friend. My boyfriend drove, as he always turns down my invitation to drive. In route to the party he glanced down at me programming my mobile phone, and we heard a big bump. The car had hit something. We could not determine what it was and thought perhaps he had scraped a mailbox close to the road. Later we realized that a deer hit the car. Two days later he was parked and someone backed into the other side of his car. He took the car in and his insurance company is making him pay the deductible of $250. My dilemma is that he thinks I should pay half because we were going to my friend's party. I am appalled. What do you think? Cammie Cammie, when most people read "A Christmas Carol," they identify with someone who feels the joy of the season, like Bob Cratchit. Your boyfriend identifies with Ebenezer Scrooge. In Dickens' tale, the Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge how he lost his chance for love. Scrooge sees the woman who once promised herself to him saying, "Another idol has replaced me?a golden one." Your boyfriend's miserly approach to love may lead him to the same fate. Driving carries a responsibility which cannot be assigned to another, and with a second accident, chances are your boyfriend would still be out the deductible. The measure of love is generosity, and yet there is a paradox. In a successful relationship each party should feel they receive more than they give. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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The Art of Letting Go It has been six months since I left the corporate world - and there are some things I will always miss. Like saying good morning to colleagues on my way to the office where I worked every day. Have You Ever Felt GOD in You? God is the primordial Creative Force that is believed to have created each atom that we see around us. When you sit and muse, have you ever heard a voice inside you talking to you? That is the voice that is in you, whom you may also call GOD. Have You Lost Focus? Matthew 5:14-16You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. What Movies Can Teach You About Meaningful Coincidences (Use Them to Get What You Want) When you have your dream clear in your mind and you go after it in the right way, the universe will send you miraculous help through meaningful coincidences. Sometimes you may have only one opportunity to receive such help. Inspirations: Even More Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far Some people live in and talk about the past so much it's as if they are "planning for the past."The "I'm an adult victim/survivor of (fill in the blank)" culture does a great disservice to the possibility of change. Top Ten Ways to Retire Retirement 1. Retire the word "retirement" from your vocabulary. The Power of Gratitude When my older son was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, my first reaction was relief - I finally knew the reason for his behavior. However, I was also overwhelmed with sadness, fear and anger. More Than I Can Bare One of my long time best friends called me the other night with a horrible pain in her heart. She needed someone to talk to. Opening Hearts is as Easy as Opening a Window Two-year-old Owen goes to speech therapy twice a week. The therapist's office is small and gloomy. The Information Age Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 1, 2003My sister and I are very close, and we don't keep things from one another. Recently she shared with me concerns about her sex life, or lack thereof. Are You The Master Of Your Destiny? How strong are you? I'm not asking if you can carry 150 lbs. of weight. Trust the Lord and Go to The Hole This is my new favorite quote. Now to understand it you must know what "go to the hole" means. The Procrastinating Perfectionist Are you a procrastinating perfectionist? I once read an article dealing with the fear of failure and success. The author described it as the following: "The curse of the procrastinating perfectionist". What an Artist Experiences When Working With the Angels I am an Angel artist on a passionate spiritual journey and I would like to share my story of what it is like to work with the Angels. It is a unique experience and very real. Begin With the End In Mind - Tips to Make Your Life More Meaningful What would you change if you knew you would be dead in 1 day? Would you spend more time at work, pouring over budget figures, and trying to figure out how you were going to make this quarter's numbers? Would you read just 1 more e-mail from a complaining co-worker? Would you check your voicemail one last time? What would your obituary say about your life?If you're like me, I'd bet you wouldn't do anything work-related. In fact, I would bet you would see if there was any way to extend that 1 day into 6 months or more, because there is SO much you have yet to accomplish. Life is Art In my years teaching people to be successful, I have seen that basically people break their lives down in to two major parts: Wealth-building and the rest of their lives. Having done a lot of reflection on these two topics - wealth and life - I am coming to some new conclusions about how to perceive the two. Game-Set-Match Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 21, 2003I don't know whether to call it jealousy or insecurity. My husband and I have been married almost 30 years. Fail Your Way To The Top Have you had a challenging day or week? Feel a little tired or discouraged with a current situation? Ready to throw in the towel and quit something?Don't worry. It's very normal to go through times of feeling that something in life stinks and all there is to see and feel is the current mess. Live the Adventure! Think of an adventure that you might like to take. Maybe it is a trip to a foreign country or a major destination in your own country. Escape From the Dungeon: Jennifers Survival Story Have you ever been encountered with a trauma in life and not know how your life would be after it was all said and done? This is a story of my trauma and how I survived and how I am taking an extreme tragedy and turning it into something spectacular.This is a story of psychological terror brought on by the hands of my mother.
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