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Following Through
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003 My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they've been sitting on my desk for five days now. It took me two days to even open the envelope and another full day to look at the actual documents. I still haven't entirely read through them. I cannot bring myself to sign. Eight months ago, after months of emotional turmoil, we both agreed a divorce would be in our best interest. I was relieved at the time. I was tired of him drinking every night until he passed out on the sofa. I was tired of feeling belittled. I never quite healed from the affair I found out about, and I know there were others. We were married eight years. I never felt I was his partner in life. I felt I was just another piece of furniture. We have two beautiful little boys who adore their daddy. They were a big reason for wanting this divorce. I didn't want them growing up thinking drinking on a daily basis is normal. For years I wanted counseling. I would plead, "Let's go before our problems get out of control!" He insisted we didn't have anything we couldn't handle. By the time we made it to counseling it was too late. Besides, he refused to say he had an addiction. I tell myself if he truly reaches out for help and remains changed for a year after our divorce, maybe we could try with a fresh start. I heard a preacher say, "Fidelity is more than sexual fidelity. It is when every decision you make during the day is the best one for yourself, your spouse, and your children." Wayne and Tamara, that's the only relationship I want. The papers still sit in front of me. How do I know I'm doing the right thing? Felicity Felicity, what you are facing is the death of a dream, the dream of what your marriage was supposed to be like. Faced with the choice of drinking or losing his family, your husband continues to drink. You may have every reason to hope he will change, but you have absolutely no reason to believe he will change. Boys look to their father to show them how to be a man, and a drunk is someone who has clearly lost the way. Courts and the law have a simple view of the matter. They don't knowingly allow a child to be adopted in a family where one parent is an alcoholic. There are laws against drinking and driving. Perhaps there should be laws against drinking and parenting. You cannot focus on your husband sobering up. That has always been only under his power, and never under yours. He may be 20 years from admitting his problem. He may never admit it. You can't put your life on hold waiting for someone to do what they may never do. Tamara says she cannot even shop without having me in her mind. "Everything I lay my eyes upon," she says, "I lay my heart upon where lives my husband." Your mate has to be an enhancement to your life. It cannot be any other way. Wayne Geronimo! I'm a 19-year-old male from Liverpool, England. I'm a decent looking lad, but since I broke up from my first serious relationship, I haven't met anyone else. Can you give me advice on meeting girls and actually asking them out? Gunther Gunther, are you putting out vibes you are pining for your ex? Out with the old and in with the new. Look around and start asking?to movies, to lunch, to a bookstore, to whatever you fancy. Follow your own interests and what you have a passion for, and remember this is not like school, where one grade follows another. Love doesn't follow anyone's schedule, and that is why it is so wonderful. Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Synchronicity Synchronicity: the coincidence of events that seem related but are not obviously caused one by the other (Encarta Concise English Dictionary)All of us from time to time experience events that happen in our lives that seem to lead from one step to another to bring a result to our attention or an experience that we may desire. In fact all the circumstances in our lives are like that. Where Has All the ENCHANTMENT Gone? Long Time Passing I thought you might enjoy reading a professional article I prepared several years ago. It is just as current today and really speaks to a tragedy in our health care system that we must all try to combat. To Thine Own Self Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 6, 2004Someone gave me a bit of advice, and I'm doing my best to get my head wrapped around it, trying to understand and comprehend and translate it into my own life. What does it mean to "follow your own heart"?LisaLisa, Dante's "Divine Comedy" opens with the author saying, "Midway in the journey of our life, I found myself in a dark wood, for the straightforward path had been lost. Who is the Pilot? It was a mild summer day in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina when I boarded United Airline flight 7318 to Washington, DC. Like usual, I promptly located my window seat, with no doubts that the pilots would safely take me to my destination. Fighting Grief: The Time To Show You Care The news came as a shock to us all. He who had been ill for days had been taken to the hospital. Emancipation Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 8, 2003When is it time to divorce a family member?I've been helping my partner manage his father's long-term care. This entails working with his brother who controls the purse strings. Never Jump to Conclusions Human mind which is well known as a fluctuating prodigy presumes itself to be a great judge. It is so natural for the mind to judge anything that appears to it especially so in the case of other human beings. What Does it Take to Make Life Better? What does it take for you to pay attention?You've probably heard this said, or said it yourself sometime, "I just realised how precious life is." Maybe you heard it when a relative died or maybe you said it after an accident or some other emotional event, but did you stop to consider the grander meaning to what you say?What if every experience in your life is sent to you so you can understand who you are and what your life is all about?Just for a moment, consider the possibilities within that question. Words That Can Leave You Powerless The lines below come from this weeks mind treatment, written by Rev. Angelica Jayne who is a regular weekly contributor to this site. Using Appreciation to Make a Difference When in 1996 a local Secondary School opened, the staff decided to create a tradition to prepare Christmas Hampers for those in need. Each advisory class (of around 18 students G9-12) would adopt a family to help out. Material Girl Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 16, 2002I recently went on a date with this guy I met online. We had been emailing for a few weeks before we decided to go out together. Overcoming Fear of Terrorism This week I did a radical thing. I bought a newspaper. You Can Quickly And Easily Solve Your Problems Today I just wanted to write you a quick note to encourage you. Why? Because even as you are doing your best to be motivated there will be days when it all seems too much. The Most Important Investment You Can Make For Your Old Age - And No, Its Not Money! When I was twenty-two, I was befriended by a woman named Doris who was thirty years older than I was. Although Doris was then a fifty-two year old woman, she did not feel it was inappropriate to befriend me. Best Friends Do you ever need to have your batteries "re-charged", or you may need a boost to your self-confidence. You might be facing a very scary situation--like turning another year older with a BIG zero behind the number--and need a strong and reasurring presence. The Inspiration Factor The first thing that an aspiring leader must realize is that they must be inspiring! That is, they must be capable of, and willing to inspire people on to greater things than if the leader were not in their lives.So, is this too grandiose an ideal for the average local business owner? Absolutely not. Adversity, What Is It Good For? As I sat down to write this article, I was reflecting back over the last week - a week filled with adversity. We all go through it and it is during those times that we may often wonder what is it all for anyway? What is the point? What is it good for?I decided to look up the word, adversity, from my old American Heritage Dictionary. Keep Hope Alive "Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all.. Number that Decides Your Success God has created human beings to live successfully. He has no discrimination in this regard. Get Out Of Your Own Way One of the biggest obstacles to our self growth and personal development is..
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