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Full Disclosure
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 21, 2003 I hope you can talk me out of this bad feeling. I watched the Michael Jackson program where he was talking about how he was treated by his father. I had hushed the bad memories to the back of my head, but this program brought them flooding back. I was brought up in Ireland with a mother and father. All I remember of my childhood was my mother beating me for nothing. I was beaten three or four times a week with a hurley stick, but she was so nice to everyone no one would have believed the terror we lived in. I had to get my brothers and sisters out to school while she stayed in bed. If I did not leave the kitchen spotless before I went to school, I got a beating when I came home for lunch. We had tiled floors, and at the weekend she would hand me a box of Brillo soap pads and tell me to scrub. If I missed one tile, I got a beating. We were never loved, kissed, or cuddled as kids, and never a nice word spoken. My father left home when I was 17, and so did I. My mother lives with my sister, and I see her Christmas. She never has anything to say to me. My sister said if she talks to my mother about the past, she says she does not remember. Now in my fifties, I feel I wasted my life away living in a shell I built around myself. I have been with the same man for 25 years now and find it hard to talk about my feelings. I have a few close friends, but they don't know about my childhood. I don't think you can help me, but just putting pen to paper helps. Brigid Brigid, spending Christmas with your mother must be like spending Christmas with the assailant who battered you, stole your purse, and was never punished. Just laying eyes on her hurts you. You had to mother yourself and that is very difficult, but be grateful for the shell you created. It allowed you to survive. If you tell your close friends, it will give you even more release than writing this letter. It will be hard for you to tell, and hard for them to listen. It was hard for us to hear your story, and we barely know you. But telling them is the place to begin. Telling your friends will allow you and them to be more honest in general conversation. It will help them not to make comments which may unintentionally hurt you, or to ask what you are giving your mother for Christmas. You may, however, have to discourage them from heading to Ireland with a hurley stick. Wayne The Sting This may seem like a silly question, but I am curious how common this scenario is. I signed a onerous and mean-spirited divorce decree without legal representation because my ex-wife said the divorce was just symbolic. It was to give closure to a bad marriage, and we were going to start over. After the divorce was real, final, and contained things I never agreed to, I am paying more than $6000 per month in cash and prizes. Have you heard of this before? Ramsey Ramsey, at the risk of stating the obvious, divorce is the final legal disconnection of a union. It is not done to restart a relationship. You could have symbolically burned a piece of paper, gotten new wedding rings, or begun "dating" each other again. But she had another plan in mind. Who gets involved in one-sided divorces? The good person, the trusting person, the one who wants to believe. Perhaps a good attorney can get a more equitable settlement. Perhaps not. But we have heard your story before. It is the consequence of being a trusting person. Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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How You Can Change Your Destiny The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state. ~James Allen, As A Man ThinkethThe world you live in arises from the world within. Inspirations: Some Other Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far Some people live in and talk about the past so much it's as if they are "planning for the past."The "I'm an adult victim/survivor of (fill in the blank)" culture does a great disservice to the possibility of change. Inspiration: Some Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far Let's file this one under the heading of random musings and observations, or what I like to call "things I've noticed along the way so far."Of the many things we tend to forget about in our fast paced culture, two of the most important are how to play and how to rest. A Pickup Line Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 11, 2002I just started a wonderful new job. The atmosphere is laid-back, and the people alone make the place fantastic. Embracing Your Wildness As small children, we were all wild. Not unlike the wolf pup in the den, we ran when we felt like it, sniffed or tasted things to see what they were, yelled when the mood struck us and danced at the drop of a hat. What Inspires You? Have you ever thought? What inspires YOU? What is it that drives you day in and day out? What is it that inspires you?We think of creative people as being inspired and ask about their work. What inspired you to paint, draw, produce this piece of work? What inspired you to make this? Usually the answer is: a book, poem, film, experience, person, a place or in Cole Porter's case the 'phone call from the director'. Powerful Caretakers - Taking Good Care of Ourselves First Our community consists of powerful caretakers. We do a great job of assisting and loving those around us. A Teller Of Tales Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 10, 2002I told my daughter I didn't think my daughter-in-law paid enough attention to her oldest son, 8. He has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is on Ritalin, and lately has been kicking and hitting little kids. Crossing The Line Of Fear Oh, this is a great topic! I remember when I was younger and in school, fear stopped me from asking out a girl I wanted to date. I can remember all the thoughts of different things I wanted to say and how I would ask her out. I.Q. You Q. He, She, or It Qs. I have, in recent years, come to believe that IQ tests are a waste of time for most of us, and a waste of money for some of us. In fact, as a general rule of thumb, if you want to know how stupid you are, check to see if you're paying for an online IQ test. What Forgiveness Is Not Is a grudge-laden heart sabotaging your success in business and in life?Much has been written over the ages about the value of forgiveness. And yet so many people continue to resist the idea of forgiving their transgressors. What Is Your Real Worth? Consider this. If it is possible to quote you as a person on the Stock Exchange, what would be your real worth?Have you ever, in your wildest imagination thought that one day, it might just be possible to quote professional men and women, on the Stock Exchange? Never, you say. Circles On The Water - The Impact You Make On People's Lives When you were a child, or maybe even when you were older, did you ever toss a pebble into the water and watch the ripples that emanated from the point where it broke the surface? Or watched the effect of raindrops falling on a body of water? I have done these things and have since found myself pondering on this process, and just how much it can be compared to our lives.The pebble splashes in the water and affects the surface surrounding it. Such Love Transforms Everything was arranged: once the funeral was over, all were to go to Hephzibah's house for the after-funeral dinner. It was the way things were done in Nain, typical of the customs followed by citizens of the Jewish towns of the Galilee. Five Reasons To Journal Keeping a journal during the coaching process is one of the most simple and effective aids a client can use. Below you will find five reasons why I encourage my clients to use a journal during their coaching time. There Must Be A Way Out! He was pushing a cart containing crates of soft drinks and followed closely by his two little boys when their momentum was halted. Noticing the situation, I - who was on my way to see my printer's - stopped to see what would happen next. Challenge Your Problems Life teaches us in peculiar ways. It knocks us down. You Are So Unreal Mankind's ability to give life to lifeless objects, gives rise to much of the grief and frustration that he brings upon himself. He animates, or humanizes all sorts of things and other creatures, then believes in his mind that they are human. Being Relatable in Todays World as a Christian There are reasons we cross paths with those that we do. Sometimes its SO obvious, because we have walked a mile or two in what that person is going thru. I Am? ?you are, he is, she is, they are? But you knew that already, didn't you? Or have you really stopped to think about it recently - or ever for that matter?Huh?I guess we need a little clarification on this. So?do this.
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