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Whose Decision
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 5, 2003 I'm very disturbed these days, and if it continues, I might get mad soon. I am 28. I recently went to see my parents in India and met a girl for marital purposes. I got convinced by my parents and family she is a perfect match for me. In an impulsive moment I said yes and got engaged. Very soon afterwards I realized I don't like her, and there are major compatibility and personality issues between us. Now my parents and her parents are pushing for marriage as soon as possible. I tried to speak to them and the girl about all the things going on in my mind. From that moment on I was like a rebel in the family, and everyone is against me. They want me to marry this girl. I told the girl I want to call it off, but she doesn't agree to my theory. I know deep inside me it's not going to work, but at the same time I love my parents and don't want to make things ugly. If we marry, I can see we will both live a miserable life as I won't be able to develop love for her, and it will end in a dreadful divorce. Ajay Ajay, what a way to step into marriage! You thought you were going home for a family visit, and your parents thought they were planning the rest of your life. You don't like your prospective bride, and now you have to weigh why this decision does not belong to you. In these circumstances many people cave in. In an odd twist of fate those forced into marriage often become defenders of arranged marriage, just as those hazed joining a fraternity enthusiastically haze new members. You would like to find a reason which will silence all arguments on the other side, but the more you justify yourself, the more they will wear you down with counter arguments and "success stories." The problem with letting other people make decisions for us is that we, not they, have to live with the consequences. The only thing they can't argue with is, "No." There is no appeal from a simple no. The worst thing your family can do is disown you. But they can only do that once. If you accede to their wishes now, they can use the hammer of disapproval over many other issues. You have to decide what your life will be. That is part of growing up and becoming an adult. When you make your own decisions, good or bad, you will feel life is under your control. There is a sense of justice, a deep sense of fairness, in a life lived this way. Tamara Upstairs Downstairs I met my downstairs neighbor on a Saturday morning a month ago when he complained about my loud music. He noted it's good music, but this particular day it was past his breaking point. I felt horrible, but I couldn't remember his face because I hadn't put my contacts in. I recall another time he banged on the ceiling at 1 a.m. Last week we spoke again about neighborly ground rules. It was a comfortable and easy conversation. I wore my contacts, and yes, he is cute. He noted whenever I see his car in the driveway, he's home, except for next Thursday when he'll be at a game. Is this a hint to follow up on? Torri Torri, this is definitely a hint to follow up on, but the question is what is he hinting. My guess is he thinks you are his annoying neighbor who plays her music too loud. If that's right, he wants the car in the driveway to be a warning to you to keep the music down and stop dancing on his head. But he could have other intentions. If so, they will soon be plain enough. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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From The Ashes The man plopped down on his chair, defeated.His father's maxims bit his ears and nagged him like tired Christmas jingles. Ignorance and Fantasy Are beliefs not often the children of ignorance and fantasy? Consider the heavenly view of the world that young souls entertain at the height of their innocence, when their youth has been surrounded by love and filled with happiness. Hear their laughter. Built in Judge In this world we don't have to afraid to anybody except to only one. Who is it? Where is it?It is nowhere else. Synchronicity Synchronicity: the coincidence of events that seem related but are not obviously caused one by the other (Encarta Concise English Dictionary)All of us from time to time experience events that happen in our lives that seem to lead from one step to another to bring a result to our attention or an experience that we may desire. In fact all the circumstances in our lives are like that. The Art of Forgiveness Forgiveness is a critical element in becoming self actualized and fully loving. Forgiving is the process by which you let go of feeling victimized or having wronged others. Harsh Reality Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 25, 2003My wife and I married eight years ago. One month into our marriage she was diagnosed with a non-life threatening form of muscular dystrophy. Hope in Humanity Let us renew our hope in humanity. It's so easy to lose faith when someone cuts us off on the highway, when a 'friend' blows us off (for the second time) and fails to show, when we get burned in a business deal, when a co-worker doesn't do what they said they were going to do, or when a colleague fails to keep their promise, etc. It Only Takes a Spark - Pass It On Great inspiring people have influenced people in every area of life throughout centuries. Henry David Thoreau, the great 19th century transcendentalist writer, was influenced by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson. The Fuel for Creative Vigor Writing a book or creating a killer headline requires a special blend of imagination, inspiration, and knowledge. Whether the ordeal is like enduring a root canal or soaring on a cloud, depends on how upbeat you are. How Do You Read the Bible? Here's a simple parable with an important moral.Each mirror, you see, has inspectors, who, acting as corporate protectors, must find any scratch, every unseemly patch. Blasting Out of the Shadows: The Power of Your True Voice First, let me share a quote from Ashlee Simpson's latest hit, "Shadow". Yes, I really am quoting Ashlee Simpson. A Rush Home to Rapture Riding a rush, being juiced, flying high-this is the feeling we strive for every day.What's the huge attraction to this heightened state? Many medical authorities would have us believe that the desire for a constant high is an addiction-and an unhealthy and unrealistic one at that. Look To Trees To Help You Keep Balanced And Focused While Achieving Your Dreams Do you remember looking up through the branches of a beautiful, leafy tree, on a warm sunny day? How the sunlight filtering through the lush greeness, seemed to take on an almost magical quality?And do you recall how this golden sunlight and the softly swaying branches almost seemed to be the physical enactment of a song, a whispering melody, just beyond the reach of your ears?Trees, strong and sturdy, with roots deeply entrenched in the ground, while all the time reaching for the heavens or stretching out, giving shelter and protection to all who need it.Which sort of tree are you more drawn to?Are you more like a tall tree that directs its energy upward, always focussing on the next goal and not really given to taking time to relax?Or do you have more in common with the shade giver, reaching out and wanting to experience all that life has to offer you?Perhaps at different points in your life, you're either one or the other, sometimes concentrating hard on accomplishing set targets, allowing no distractions until you've reached them. Misplaced Allegiance Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 23, 2003I am male, 30, married for seven years. I have two small children. Entrepreneur and Mom When I was 12 years old, I had surgery with complications. I was told there was a chance I would not be able to have children. Israel Is My Son "And thou shalt say unto Pharoah, Thus saith the Lord, "Israel is my son, even my first-born. And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me;and if thou refuse to let him go, behold I will slay thy son, even thy first born(Exodus 4. Heart Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 24, 2004I am the mother of a 6-year-old child. My husband is an alcoholic and refuses to realize it because he can skip a few days, once in awhile, before drinking again. Four Words that Make Life Worthwhile Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and strategies to life's challenges, I've come across four simple words that can make living worthwhile.First, life is worthwhile if you Learn. It Wont Happen Again Have you or do you know someone who has been abused or been involved in an abusive relationship? What is your definition of abuse? All of us know that physical violence is abuse. We also know there is emotional and mental abuse too, but do we know what it really is?What counts as abuse?I, myself have experienced physical, emotional, and mental abuse to different degrees. The Minds Fancy Dress Party -Or- A Brainstorming Session In Berlin a restaurant opens for anorexics and in Buffalo a lawyer with a stutter wins a court case. When everything you're working on has gone STALE and your own initially promising concepts are starting to annoy you, you need a brainstorming session to get to the missing bits or generate some new ideas.
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