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The Right Approach
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 9, 2003 I grew up in a happy, loving, stable home. My fiance was not as lucky. He was beaten by his parents and shuttled from relative to relative. At age 11, his parents threw him out, and he had to live on the streets until his aunt rescued him. He is the youngest of four, with three older sisters. For reasons I don't understand, he remains in almost daily contact with his family. Family gatherings typically turn into insult contests, even in public places. His sisters scream at each other, and typically one or more of them will tell me he is lazy and good for nothing. Being an only child, I have no experience with siblings, but I'm pretty sure this is not normal behavior. His parents are nice to me, but I have difficulty wondering how they could treat their children as they did. I don't want to be one of those women who makes him choose between his family or me, but I also don't want my own future children subjected to this kind of conduct. He is a wonderful, gentle, kind man, but I am not sure I can deal with his family for the rest of my life. Margie Margie, to me dealing with people who engage in over-the-top behavior is like housebreaking a puppy. You have to be absolutely patient, absolutely consistent, and absolutely firm. Tamara compares it to being a deep sea fisherman who must maintain a constant strain on the line in order to play a fish and tire it out. Whatever comparison you make, it is out of the realm of sitting down, talking things over, and being reasonable. You must let your boyfriend's family know their behavior is unacceptable in your presence, and you must let them know that there are consequences if it continues. For example, when insults and screaming occur, you could tell them if it doesn't stop, you will leave for the day. Then if it continues, go, even if it means walking out of a theater before the movie has started. Without your boyfriend's consistent support, there is little chance of success. Very frankly, a good book on dog training is likely to be more useful to you than books on etiquette, understanding others, or negotiating differences. Difficult people may change, but you have to be very patient, very consistent, and very firm. Wayne Custom Fit I am a 37-year-old female, never married. I am intelligent, kind, and fun-loving. I am attractive enough that I spent most of my twenties modeling professionally. I think I would make a great partner for someone and a good mother as well. Some of my well-meaning married friends say maybe I should just find Mr. Close Enough and go for it. The problem is I cannot be satisfied with close enough. I know, because I tried with some wonderful men who are great catches and want children, but frankly, I was bored to tears. I don't want to appear arrogant, but some people on this planet are satisfied with minivans, soccer practice on Tuesdays, and a vague feeling something is missing from their life. I am not one of them. I don't want Mr. Perfect; I know he doesn't exist. But I do want Mr. Perfect for me. Some women never marry. Perhaps I wasn't meant to be with someone special. Natalie Natalie, it is not arrogant to know what you want. Some inner part of you is saying the fate of doing it wrong is worse than the fate of not knowing if it will happen. If you settle for close enough, you will resent what you settled for. I ended up with a marriage that exceeds my greatest expectations by holding out for someone special. Perhaps another man would say of Tamara, "Gandhi couldn't get along with that woman!" But for me, she is absolutely perfect. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Moral Obligation & Responsibility Chances are you have seen some type of disturbance in your lifetime. Whether it was a bully picking on someone or a piece of trash on the ground, disturbances happen daily on several different levels. Four Words that Make Life Worthwhile Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and strategies to life's challenges, I've come across four simple words that can make living worthwhile.First, life is worthwhile if you Learn. A Little Blessing Changes Everything "We're on a one-game winning streak!" That's what freshman Dawan Boxley said after his basketball team, the Rutgers-Camden Pioneers, beat Bloomfield College 77 to 72, snapping a five-year, 117-game losing streak. Imagine losing every game for five years; how depressing that must have been for the team, the coach, and the entire school! But what a joy when that buzzer sounded and game 118 turned out differently. How To Turn Your Life Around FAST! There is nothing more important than feeling good.Come again? Didn't I just tell you how bad everything is!When you feel good you raise your vibrations. The Information Age Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 1, 2003My sister and I are very close, and we don't keep things from one another. Recently she shared with me concerns about her sex life, or lack thereof. Do We Really Want to Be There Yet The beauty in creation is in the process, in every single step along the way.A lot of attention is given a thing that is under construction or in the building stages. False Start Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 7, 2003.I was married three months ago, and I think I may have married the wrong woman. Discover How To Make The Success Generating Imagination Work For You The secret power of positive thinkers is their faith. And this faith is the power of God working through their imagination. Play a BIGGER role in life! Did you ever think that you are not playing the role which you should play in your life?Don't you think that you are born to play a leading role, a much bigger role in the real drama of your life? What is holding you back then? Your own short sightedness!In order to play a bigger role in life you need to visualize a bigger picture of yourself. Once you have that picture before you, it will be much easier for you to paint that picture into reality. Why Should We Keep Our Thoughts Clear? From my experience some healings come instantly or during short period of time as others require patience, persistence and firmness of our faith. Even though faith in God or Good helps to overcome our worldly trials but often because of lack of the divine knowledge we are not able to see the end of our sufferings. Sixty-Second Caring "How are you doing?" you ask. There's a pause before the reply. Its The Journey, Not The Destination Don't you just hate clichs like the one illustrated in the headline of this article? I know I do. But love them or hate them, most of us must admit that such adages and clichs are often grounded in truth, and this one is no different. The Final Frontier When all that you have done has not brought you what you truly desire, isn't it about time to move out of the box ask questions and make changes?What would you think if you went to your doctor and he hit you over the head with a rubber hammer to knock you out before some minor surgery? Does the horse and buggy now serve you to take you to work each day? Would you settle for going down town to the telegraph office, to have a message sent to your aunt across the country? Could you possibly get along without your cel phone, fax machine or microwave oven?The answer is "of course not." We have evolved and our world is moving much too quickly to rely on out dated technology to serve us. It Wont Happen Again Have you or do you know someone who has been abused or been involved in an abusive relationship? What is your definition of abuse? All of us know that physical violence is abuse. We also know there is emotional and mental abuse too, but do we know what it really is?What counts as abuse?I, myself have experienced physical, emotional, and mental abuse to different degrees. Why Self Esteem Matters A number of years ago I worked for one of the UK's top IT companies -- a global player. We were meeting to discuss a major bid, and the room was filled with people who didn't meet often -- the most senior managers from a number of divisions. A Word Fitly Spoken ~ Acceptance A WORD FITLY SPOKENA word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Proverbs 25:11I expect to pass through this world but once. Opening Hearts is as Easy as Opening a Window Two-year-old Owen goes to speech therapy twice a week. The therapist's office is small and gloomy. Living Profoundly When you realize that you really want to have an impact in this world, to make a difference, remember that it is in each moment that you are alive and in the present. When you are too busy worrying about what you don't have, what you have to do, where you've been, and what you don't have, you're not in the present; you're consumed by the past you can't change and the future that has yet to happen. The Road Not Taken Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 24, 2003My husband cheated on me for maybe five years, and yes, I really had no idea. The person he cheated with is a policewoman on his job. Three Bricklayers The story of the three bricklayers has been around for many years. The reason it continues to be told is the messages that the story tells.
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