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False Start
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 7, 2003. I was married three months ago, and I think I may have married the wrong woman. What do I mean when I say that? I thought I was in love, and while I have strong feelings of friendship and goodwill toward her, I feel I am alone in this relationship. There is an odd feeling of disconnection and an inability to get to a state of real meaning with her. This has existed all through our relationship. "What's for dinner?" and " I need to wash the car" are about as deep as I can get with her. We can't share dreams, since I know her only dream is to have children and "be happy." I am looking to other avenues for stimulation, reading more books, talking to old friends, and still trying to chip into my wife's world. I care for her, I don't want to hurt her, and both sets of in-laws love us. Yet I sit here and wonder why I married her. Oliver Oliver, you have a huge decision to make. And soon. The sooner the better. You need to decide if you can stay married before your wife starts working on her dream of having children and being happy. Perhaps the following letter will influence your decision. Wayne & Tamara Unturned Stone I've been married 19 years, nearly all of them unhappy. I knew after three months I'd made a mistake, but divorce was and is not an option. I love my in-laws, we have three children we both adore, and my husband is the primary wage earner. We believe God can work miracles. I just don't know if it'll happen in our case. Over the years we've been to five different counselors. Seven years ago my husband checked out of the marriage and had an affair. After a separation of two years we reconciled, which really was a miracle, and had our third child. I am at the point now where I just cannot stand my husband. We have not slept in the same room for two years, and there is no intimacy on any level. There is no one in my life I feel this level of anger with. I have felt from the beginning he does not listen to me! Because I am not listened to, I don't feel respected. I am a Type A person, conscientious, hardworking and concerned about others. He's a friendly person who likes to make others laugh. He's a charmer but basically lazy. I made the choice to stay in this marriage. It is the practical thing to do, and divorce does not bring all the answers. I'm happiest when he is away. I often think how life would be easier if he were just dead. How do I get rid of all the bitterness? How do I start to like my husband again, much less love him? Clarisse Clarisse, you are asking for help and tying our hands. That is like going to a doctor and saying, "It can't be a broken leg." Sometimes it is a broken leg. What you tried for 19 years hasn't worked. You don't "believe" in divorce. Hardly anybody does. But if you believe fidelity, love, and happiness need to be in a marriage, then you have to believe in divorce, because without those things you don't have a marriage. It is not selfish to want love, fidelity, and affection. They are human necessities. Think about the kind of marriage you have shown your children. Are you training them not to "believe" in divorce, even if they know after three months they made a mistake? You have been miserable for 19 years. In addition to five counselors, we'll bet you've also read dozens of books and hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles. When you have tried all other avenues, you need to reconsider what you haven't tried. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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How to Get Over Emotional Misery Whether it's a holiday, anniversary, birthday or a time in your life where the rug of life itself seems to have been ripped out from beneath your feet, and you feel the kind of depression where you pray to not wake up, take heart. I have been there, and have learned how to come out of it to the other side of beaming joy, and want to pass this information on to you. Inspiring Values of Unforgettable Teachers All of us recall special teachers - people who not only taught us but inspired us in ways that changed our lives. William Arthur Ward once said, "The mediocre teacher tells. Why You Are Special and Why Does It Matter Why 'you are special'?Why and how does it matter?Things you can say to yourself to feel great and special always.Why 'you are special'?:You are special. The Power of Inspiration INSPIRATION can be a powerful thing. It can keep you going when all around you cries out "quit!" It is even more powerful than motivation,as motivation gives you your basic reasons to keepgoing--it tells you why you want to do what you do, because motivation is based on goals. How To Be Secure In An Insecure World Most of us believe that our happiness and security are dependent upon our relationships, work, income and the external events that take place in our lives. When things are going well there is a sense of well-being and safety. What Footsie Taught Us! We have just inherited a rag, tag and bobtail of a dog called 'Footsie'. She was found three weeks ago wandering around outside a local restaurant for a couple of days looking for food. Its A Brand New Day Waking up one day and realizing your world just isn't working for you is the first step into an incredibly exciting new journey. That awakening is to be the first of many. Sissys Show of Support I had been fighting with the software program that I used to build my website. The software program had a bug in it and would occasionally anger the main brains of my computer. Discover How To Make The Success Generating Imagination Work For You The secret power of positive thinkers is their faith. And this faith is the power of God working through their imagination. Three Bricklayers The story of the three bricklayers has been around for many years. The reason it continues to be told is the messages that the story tells. Who are you? I have a question for you.Who are you?This may be a simply enough question but before you attempt to answer this question let us go on a voyage of personal self discovery which will allow you to find an acceptable answer. Realistic Living " The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he purposes to remove." - Samuel JohnsonThe one person, who is of more importance to you than anyone else in the world, is just - YOU. Everyone Has Been Hurt..... Part 5 Continued.. What Forgiveness Is Not Is a grudge-laden heart sabotaging your success in business and in life?Much has been written over the ages about the value of forgiveness. And yet so many people continue to resist the idea of forgiving their transgressors. Quest for Freedom--A Story Of Pure Courage The Nazis stormed into the house of Stanislavsky Lech, who was Jewish, herded the entire family out at gunpoint, packed them into an overcrowded train, filled with the stench of death and despair, and sent them to Krakow.Then, before his eyes, Lech saw his entire family shot. Life Is Worthwhile If You (Excerpted from the Jim Rohn Two Day Weekend event - June 22 and 23, 2001)1) First, life is worthwhile if you LEARN.What you don't know WILL hurt you. Anamcara - Being Forever Enough When was the last time you felt you were enough just as you are? When was the last time you felt that you were seen as the being you are? When was the last time you felt unconditionally loved and loving?When was the last time you felt life was itself enough? There was nothing to be added. There was nothing to be taken way. My Lost Immortality Oh my God, I'm not immortal anymore! What happened? Where's my neverending youth? My long summers? My bright future?Gone, gone, and.. Quitting Before It Even Starts Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. Escape From the Dungeon: Jennifers Survival Story Have you ever been encountered with a trauma in life and not know how your life would be after it was all said and done? This is a story of my trauma and how I survived and how I am taking an extreme tragedy and turning it into something spectacular.This is a story of psychological terror brought on by the hands of my mother.
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