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Game-Set-Match
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 21, 2003 I don't know whether to call it jealousy or insecurity. My husband and I have been married almost 30 years. Last year at my husband's surprise birthday party, one of my friends asked who a certain woman in the room was. When I asked why, she said, "She and your husband have been making eye contact all night, and he seems to be paying her a lot of attention." From there on I started watching the behavior between them. My husband participates in a sport with this woman's husband, and at times we are all together. Each time I noticed more and more eye contact between them. Just to be sure I was not imaging things, I asked my sister. She thought with the looks they gave each other, something might be going on. Late one evening, I confronted my husband. He replied, "Don't be ridiculous." He said he loves me and goes to participate in the sport and that is all. He was furious. I told him I loved him too, but I also said my first warning was to him, the next will be to her, and thereafter to her husband. He said if something is going on, it is all on her side. At the next sporting event, this woman avoided me like the plague. It was like she was scared to death of me. Obviously someone told her something. When I asked my husband if he had, he said no. Now even though I did nothing wrong, I am very uncomfortable around this woman. I have three decades invested in this marriage and love this man dearly. Still it is hard to get past this and be friends with this woman again. Helene Helene, you didn't smell perfume on your husband's shirt or see lipstick on his collar. All you found was a woman publicly flirting with your husband. Possibly she flirts to make herself feel good, with no real desire behind it. But when the word got out, she stopped. You did three things. You let your circle of friends know you are an observant woman who defends her territory. You let your husband know you will confront this issue head on. And if anything was going to happen, you dumped water on the embers. Mission accomplished. Now the key is to drop this. If the situation has stopped, let it go. If you let it go, your husband may even take it as a compliment. You have let him know how much you desire him. With the other woman, you don't need to be her enemy and you don't need to be her friend. Talk to her as you would to any other slight acquaintance. Hold your head up high as a confident married woman who will not allow anyone to sneak around behind her back. Wayne & Tamara Her Proposal I am a 21-year-old female in a committed relationship with a man I love and want to marry. We plan to live together when I go to graduate school. My dad says he can't imagine me finding a sweeter, better man who loves me so much. Now I'm worried about the whole living together thing because studies say that living together leads to divorce, and I don't want to lose him! His dad is concerned he will be tied down, and we will have kids. I don't see that happening anytime soon! I feel ready to marry now, and I don't want to lose him. Daryl Daryl, even if you believe the research on living together is valid, you need to realize that marriage does not prevent divorce, abuse, infidelity, or unhappiness. If you are afraid moving in together will stop a wedding, then don't live with him. But if you want to marry him because you think you will lose him, then he isn't yours to have. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Important Things to Know / Remember About Life I love you not because who you are, but because who I am when I am with you There is no one in this world that worth your tears, and if they are, they will never make you cry. If someone loves you not in the way you would like to, it does not mean that they don not love you in their own way A good friend is the one that will hold your hand and will touch your heart. Clicking to Good Vibrations! Recently my dad visited me in Victoria, BC. He is THE most appreciative person I know!While we were out shopping one day, I insisted upon stopping at one place and then another and another--intensly searching for a specific item. Life Goes On Boy, do I feel old. Or at least older. Adversity, What Is It Good For? As I sat down to write this article, I was reflecting back over the last week - a week filled with adversity. We all go through it and it is during those times that we may often wonder what is it all for anyway? What is the point? What is it good for?I decided to look up the word, adversity, from my old American Heritage Dictionary. Why Anyone Can Be Prosperous In nature, when the season is right, all things flourish and overflow with abundance.Similarly, any person can also benefit from the abundance of the creative force in life, the quantum soup from which all life arises. Who are you? I have a question for you.Who are you?This may be a simply enough question but before you attempt to answer this question let us go on a voyage of personal self discovery which will allow you to find an acceptable answer. A Prison Planet I decreed my 'twin' into my life in early 1990. It is a story I tell in other books but I think even Edward House would have a hard time topping my gifts. Are You Really Living Your Life Today! Yesterday I was but a child, looking. Looking ahead at a world of wonder. Embracing Your Wildness As small children, we were all wild. Not unlike the wolf pup in the den, we ran when we felt like it, sniffed or tasted things to see what they were, yelled when the mood struck us and danced at the drop of a hat. FEAR Don't Let it Control You! Fear. What is it? Can you touch it? Can you hold it? Can you show it to another person? I can almost hear you from where I am sitting. Why Integrity! There is much said in the word "integrity"! According to the Websters New Collegtiate Dictionary, it means: 1, an unimpaired condition: sound: incorruptibility: 2, firm adherence to a code of esp. moral or artistic values, undivided: completeness: syn. Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow The problem with waiting until tomorrow is that when it finally arrives, it is called today. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. Alone But Not Lonely In today's fast paced society, we've become accustomed to filling the eeriness of silence with fluff. We turn to many distractions as a means of escaping feelings of idleness or boredom. Justice Delayed Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 22, 2003I have three grown children. My elderly father, six younger brothers, and a large extended family live in the old country. Maternal Instincts Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 14, 2002I am a woman in her mid-60s whose husband passed away, and I do not want to enter into a relationship with another man. I have no family in town other than my daughter. What Movies Can Teach You About Meaningful Coincidences (Use Them to Get What You Want) When you have your dream clear in your mind and you go after it in the right way, the universe will send you miraculous help through meaningful coincidences. Sometimes you may have only one opportunity to receive such help. The Challenge To Succeed So much has been written about success that one often gets confused about what success is all about. Success is such a personal thing that it may mean different things to different people. Its The Little Things That Count Have you ever been in the situation where you have become so focussed on achieving a goal that you have done so at the detriment of everything else in your life?The 'All or Nothing' SyndromeIn a coaching session I had with one of my clients this week, he realised that to complete the goal he wanted to achieve by the end of September, that he has totally neglected every other area of his life.He has fallen into the 'all or nothing' syndrome. Fashionably Late Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 6, 2003What can a couple say and do when they have been late in getting wedding thank yous out to people? We have been married two years, with two separations among other serious challenges, and finally want to send cards.At the same time we are embarrassed about our difficulties in marriage and getting out the cards. Brilliant Autumn: Reaping a Bounteous Harvest "But if in your thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons, And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing." - Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)The low afternoon sun cast soft rays through a cool October breeze.
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