|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
The Best Policy
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 28, 2003 How do I help a former friend let go of a friendship that's not working for me? This woman, I'll call her "Anne," is a life coach. We met last year and hit it off as friends. The problem for me is the vast majority of our conversation centered around Anne and her situation, particularly as it related to men. On and on these conversations would go about this guy or that. My honest feedback was not well received. Prior to getting fed up with the lack of balance in our friendship, I invited her to speak at a conference I organized. The event took place last month, and Anne was just okay as a speaker. Reviews were mixed, but it was done. Last night Anne left a message indicating she wanted me to be a referral for a potential client. I feel bad about recommending someone I no longer believe to be effective. How do I get off her calling list without being unkind? Laurel Laurel, in this situation truthfulness is more important than politeness. Politeness will get you more of what you don't want more of. Anne doesn't take criticism, or the truth, well. She makes a good first impression, but she does not have the understanding she is trying to sell to others. Giving Anne what she wants makes you a co-conspirator with her, and that is an incongruity you cannot live with. Just as your life must proceed from honesty, so must Anne's. Tell Anne reviews of her performance don't allow you to make a recommendation. If she takes offense, she is taking offense to the truth. Tamara Beating A Dead Horse I am American and my husband British. We met while he lived and worked for two years in the US. When we became engaged, we discussed where we wanted to settle and that place is America. We both feel strongly about this. We did, however, decide to move to the UK for two years for him to finish a few things and get his US green card. That is much easier to do abroad than at home, and we told his parents we would only be in the UK a short time. My mother-in-law is a person who uses mind games to get her way. She has directly insulted America to me claiming everything from American greed to gun problems. She whines that her grandchildren will not be close to her, and she has even hung up the phone on my husband. She is a right brat! I know it must be hard for her, and I understand, I really do. But we can't always live around the corner, and I am starting to get angry. My husband told his family they are welcome to come stay with us for a month or longer at a time, but my mother-in-law said, "I don't like to fly, and I don't think I'll like Texas!" My husband knows his mother is a difficult woman, but he hates conflict and wants to keep the peace. My mom says keeping my cool is the best thing to do. Kay Kay, before you insult the royal family or British cuisine, remember your mom's advice and keep your cool. Don't argue with your mother-in-law. By the very act of arguing you are giving substance to her wishes. Arguing as if it is unsettled may make it unsettled. When you give in to a difficult person, they don't become more reasonable, they become more difficult. They think they are entitled to win all the time. Once you have moved, your mother-in-law can visit you, and if you can afford it, you can visit her. Maybe she'll even like Texas. Or maybe she will love to hate Texas. But either way your mother-in-law's behavior sounds like a better argument for emigrating than for living around the corner. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
 |
|
|
Attaining Financial Freedom Financial freedom is not about having enough money to spend to your heart's delight, without seeing red. It is freedom from the control of money; freedom from being a slave to money. Moral Obligation & Responsibility Chances are you have seen some type of disturbance in your lifetime. Whether it was a bully picking on someone or a piece of trash on the ground, disturbances happen daily on several different levels. Why Does it Take So Long to Slow Down Why do we wait so long, before we start thinking about whom and what we are? Why does it take a lifetime of living and struggling before we begin a meaningful search for our truth? I don't believe that is necessary.I began my conscious journey to enlightenment when I was around 50 years of age. Two Drops Of Water Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 17, 2002My problem is that I am falling in love. My friend and I are both 23. What is Your Recovery Rate? What is your recovery rate? How long does it take you to recover from actions and behaviours that upset you? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? How long? The longer it takes you to recover the more influence that incident has on your actions, the less able you are to perform to your personal best. In a nutshell the longer it takes you to recover the weaker you are and the poorer your performance. A Feline Example On Courage Fangs. Killer claws. Make Life Work: Repair the Relationship with Yourself What areas of your life are working well? Career? Finances?Relationships? Health?When life works you enjoy fulfillment, happiness, and a sense of well being. "I know how to do this thing called life, and I'm doing it well. In Tall Grass My best friend, Ryan, told me last night he got his girlfriend, Rebecca, pregnant. He is 22 and she is 20. Opening the Heart and Exploring Beneath the Surface Exploring beneath the surface of a reoccurring relationship issue can be tedious and scary. Seeing beyond a nagging health challenge to the 'deeper issue' requires courage, faith and trust. As A Caterpillar "Happiness can be as elusive as a fluttering butterlfy but as easily attainable as a crawling caterpillar. Put aside the net, and let it happen. Its The Little Things That Count Have you ever been in the situation where you have become so focussed on achieving a goal that you have done so at the detriment of everything else in your life?The 'All or Nothing' SyndromeIn a coaching session I had with one of my clients this week, he realised that to complete the goal he wanted to achieve by the end of September, that he has totally neglected every other area of his life.He has fallen into the 'all or nothing' syndrome. Why Be Great? Have you ever thought of what it would take to make you "truly great" at what you do?Look around you at your employees and co-workers and ask yourself whether or not any of them are "truly great" at what they do. No doubt some of them really excel at their jobs and at life, while others just seem to get by. You Reap What You Sow There is an old principle: You reap what you sow. In fact, it is about as natural of a principle as you can get. Is the Life Youre Living the Life You Want? In pre-revolutionary Russia, a rabbi was walking to the synagogue. A Russian soldier stopped him and asked, "Who are you and what are you doing here?" The rabbi answered, "How much do they pay you for doing this job?" The soldier replied, "Twenty kopeks. Life is About Choosing Back to our youth days, we were taught that by being discipline and studying hard we would get good grades and would surely pass the school without failure. Therefore, as a kid we tried our best to work well in studying instead of keep playing out with neighbor kids. L.S. Macs Treasures Such as my defeat overwhelmed me, so did my love for creating websites! I have four of my own presently. I use these as therapy, you can find your own hobby that keeps your mind at a happy level and life is good. Imaginings Most people like movies. Some, like me, are enthralled by them. Moneys Sad Lack of Intrinsic Value A good number of my columns deal with finances and money-related issues. Obviously, these are issues we have to confront everyday. The Amazing Destructive Power of Tradition After more than thirty years of studying the Bible I can say with full assurance that Jesus Christ never contradicted himself. There is one instance where it would seem that he did but after careful examination I found that rather than a contradiction it ends up being more of an enigma. Two Choices That can Make Next Year The Best Year of Your Life What if there were just two choices you could make to insure that next year would be wonderful? There actually are, and these choices are quite simple in concept, yet not easy to do. They are not things you do on the outside, such as exercising your body (which is always a good thing to do!) but ways of thinking and being on the inside.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||
| Interesting sites: site map- backup program- Bali travel guide haba legetj- V2 snus- |