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Parental Consent
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 11, 2003 I am concerned about a relationship, but it is not my own. My nephew aged 21 is planning to get married this November. While I think he is young, I think the bride to be is far too young at only 17. My nephew was home-schooled through half of high school, and she was raised on a ranch and home-schooled as well. In other words, she has no real life experience. They have never dated anyone else. To top it off, he is financially irresponsible and currently holds a low paying job, while she has never worked. Her mother is strongly in support of the marriage and is encouraging it, even though her daughter hasn't finished high school. His entire family is against it. None of us feel either of them know themselves well enough to commit to another, or know enough of the big bad world. How do I discourage them from getting married so soon, or should I? All of us prefer to see him wait until he has a more sturdy and stable position, or at least an idea where he wants to go in life, before they walk into a marriage they are unprepared for. On one level I suspect the reason they are in a hurry is because they were both raised in a strict environment and don't believe in premarital sex. That's just conjecture, but I feel if they marry, they'll end up divorced in under four years. So should I keep my mouth shut, or try to talk them out of getting married? Bea Bea, with all the relationship books and counseling available in the US, you might think the recent leveling off of the astronomical divorce rate is due to some new technique or discovery. It isn't. The evidence seems to show it is linked to one main fact. Couples getting married now are on average about four years older than they were only a few decades ago, and they are about half a dozen years older than this couple. You are right to be concerned. You are writing from experience, and they are acting from inexperience. It is wise to point out to them what married life requires and mention things they haven't thought about. But if they didn't absorb those lessons growing up, chances are they won't listen to you now. If your nephew is marrying to finally have sex, he won't tell you. If she is marrying to get out of her parents' house, she won't tell you. If they are marrying because they don't know what to do next with their lives, they won't say that. After the wedding the question is, Will help really help them, or merely prolong a marriage destined to end? Say what you think is appropriate now, then step aside. Only in hindsight are you likely to be appreciated. Wayne & Tamara On The Road My significant other and soon to be permanent partner and I will be leaving in two weeks to drive cross-country, a trip of almost 3000 miles. My question is how do we spend hour after hour driving with one another? The party not driving can read the newspaper, we can talk or listen to music. I'll pack snacks and we can take turns sleeping. These things I know. They are the common everyday things people do when they travel together. I suppose I was looking for something different; I don't know exactly. Any suggestions? Kris Kris, what are you asking? Life is one long road trip. If the silence is too heavy, if you wonder what to say, perhaps that says it all. This trip may reveal the real nature of your connection. Tamara and I can drive in companionable silence, or we can talk for hours. We don't even turn the radio on. It's a distraction from us. Is that what you are looking for? Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Random Thoughts on Living Your Best Life More things I've noticed along the way:* Our son's birthday is Sept. 11. Resistance to Change All of us are resistant to change, whether it's in using a different tool, a technique a choice in partners, or lifestyle.The ones that resist the most have big labels like, orthodox, traditionalist, extremist. Tsunamis in the Bible? I have always wondered how the Red Sea parted as described in the Exodus story of Moses.The recent Tsunamis that happened in West Sumatra and the tremendous destruction that came with it got me thinking - was this what really happened to the Egyptian army when they were pursuing the Hebrew people while they were led out of Egypt by Moses?On the internet, many eyewitness accounts can be obtained very fast. Your James Bond Fantasies Become Real The problem with this is that fantasies usually don't come by chance. You have to plan them yourself. Product Testing Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 24, 2002I suppose there are worse problems than having two men who want to share their life with me. However, it is a genuine problem. A Prison Planet I decreed my 'twin' into my life in early 1990. It is a story I tell in other books but I think even Edward House would have a hard time topping my gifts. Anamchara - Living a Meaningful Life At some stage of living your life you will ask the question "What does it mean to be here?"You may phrase the question in different ways but the essence of the question is the same. It represents your desire to know what it means to be alive on this earth. Material Girl Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 16, 2002I recently went on a date with this guy I met online. We had been emailing for a few weeks before we decided to go out together. What To Do When You Dont Know What To Do It is often difficult to know exactly what to do. This is especially true when you decide to stop being a creature of habit and circumstance and decide instead to live a life of purpose and meaning. Why Are We So Lost? The Journey Home Did you ever wonder how you ended up where you are in your life? Is life a culmination of a series of very carefully planned moves or a hodge podge of serendipitous events? Of course as we get to know ourselves better, our radar becomes more finely tuned. Our intuition develops and we become more secure with our inner knowing. The Pledge You know kids, one of the things I've learned by letting more people know what's going on inside my head is that once you do people expect you to live up to what you've put out there. I've sort of learned on the fly here that using this knowledge as a burr under the saddle that is my life accelerates my growth. Impaired Judgment Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 23, 2002My husband has a twofold addiction problem, drinking and drugs. In the six years we have been married, he has had periods of sobriety, but they don't ever last. My Journey I believe it's important for you to develop a mission statement for your life; one that is unique and articulates your values, goals, dreams; how you want to live.Your mission statement is a living, breathing testimony of the life you are committed to living. Tranquility It's all in the mind- your mind.It's not brought about in an instant by serene surroundings,nor by the sound of soulful music, nor the beauty of summer blooms. TIES that BIND I have no idea how it started or who launched it. Nevertheless years after all of the women in my family died (they were the initiators of all of our major family events and thingamajigs). The Power Of Love In Your Life! CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE!"If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house. Whats Simple? If you walk up to a stranger in the grocery store and ask them to define "simple," as in "simple life," they'll probably say something like "having less stuff." Or they might hit you with a frozen turkey. How To Develop A Grateful Mind (The Best Medicine) There is one sure fire medicine that cures all difficulty and opens the way for your greatest good. It allows you to sleep well at night, wake up refreshed and filled with enthusiasm. Seven Things You Must Give to Others if You Want to Achieve Success! A major part of the process of achieving success and living the kind of life that you dream of is to give. Many people think that to get what you want you have to take it. The One Thing You Really Want There is one thing you want..
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