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A Brick Wall
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 18, 2003 Two years ago I divorced, and there is still a lot of hostility. My former husband has been served with contempt papers for not paying child support. He says I am sending him to the poorhouse, but I have no recourse but to contact the court when the payments stop. He continues to blame me, even though two judges have explained it is the court which determines when contempt charges are filed. My children require the necessities of life, which I provide, but he says the children are my responsibility and not to contact him, even if they become ill. He only interacts with them on scheduled weekends, and many times the weekends are cut short. The home he purchased with his girlfriend includes a built-in swimming pool and two Jacuzzis. Last summer he asked me how it feels to work, and he explained he makes enough money his girlfriend gets to sit by the pool all summer. His girlfriend looks like a glittering Christmas tree with all the jewelry she wears. I have tried to talk to him, but he says he is not listening and then belittles me. He buys food and clothing for his girlfriend's children, but he tells me I have messed up our children's lives and dress them in rags. That is not true. They are really great kids doing well in school. I need some ideas how to try and talk to him to get my point across. How do I communicate my concerns to him? Marlene Marlene, you have communicated your concerns to him. He doesn't care. Your ex-husband doesn't want to support any woman he is not sleeping with, or her children. Your children have lost a father figure because their father does not see himself as their father. There is another danger here. Children often respect the bad parent and respond to what that parent wants, while disrespecting the good parent. It is not simply that they pick up the difficult parent's attitude; they think by placating him they will get a father response out of him. But the end result is they may blame you. Don't waste time thinking you will ever get through to this man. You are being emotionally battered and so are your children, which is a good reason to minimize contact with him. His obligation to his children comes from the state in the same way the state determines which side of the road to drive on or when to pay taxes. Let the state enforce this obligation and don't explain or apologize for it. Wayne & Tamara Overreaction My best friend lives across the street. Her daughter and mine play together all the time. Our husbands are best of friends, and we watch over each other's home when we are out of town. When she got a part-time job, I started baby sitting her daughter. I had an interview one evening and left my daughter and hers with my husband. I was gone one hour. The next day she called me and told me all of a sudden she doesn't trust my husband with her daughter. My husband is an elementary school teacher and loves children. This has upset me and hurt my feelings. She doesn't call now, and I wish I knew what she was thinking. Should I call first? Christa Christa, your neighbor is mad, and the question is why. If something actually occurred, she likely would have acted immediately. She could be angry because for an hour she didn't know who was watching her child, or because you didn't share news of your interview with her. For the former, you can apologize. Tell her you didn't think. Your husband watches children more than you do, and it didn't dawn on you to let her know. Finally, don't put yourself or your husband in this position with her again. Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Reach Your Dreams About fifteen years ago I was rummaging through some old boxes in my basement when I discovered a stack of poems that I had written during my childhood. As I began reading, I discovered a long-forgotten world - one that sang with romance, adventure, and mystery. Its Not Always About the Benjamins, Baby Often when I receive emails from this list with folks, Telling me that they have discovered their life's purpose but they don't have the money to do what they need to start living their purpose.Please, please, please do not let your lack of money stand in the way of you living the life that God has planned for you to live. Making the Most of Your Peak and Off-peak Times What is the most essential part of your business? You are!As small business owners, we think we should be working on our business 24 hours a day. Breaks and quiet time are an increasingly rare event. 5 Simple Tips On Using Your Senses 1. Breakfast in Bed. Surefire Ways to Develop a Thankful Attitude Spend some time thinking about how good you have it. We know this, but we don't often spend time pondering it. The Amazing Power of the Human Will The human will is the most incredible thing. I believe it is the human will that keeps us going, when everyone else expects us to sit, or even quit. Body Acceptance: The Secret to Weight Loss Success Can we love our bodies? As the years go by, each decade brings new and unexpected changes. We move from adolescence to young adulthood. Why Be Great? Have you ever thought of what it would take to make you "truly great" at what you do?Look around you at your employees and co-workers and ask yourself whether or not any of them are "truly great" at what they do. No doubt some of them really excel at their jobs and at life, while others just seem to get by. Fulfilling Your Dreams: The Magic Of Starting Fulfilling your dreams will remain a mirage if you simply sit down and dream on.You may have a dream of attaining financial freedom to go after your dreams, instead of doing what you have to do, to get bills paid and put food on the table. Your Inner Wisdom -- Crouching Ego, Hidden Guru Wouldn't it be nice if you had a spiritual counselor that traveled everywhere with you, answering all your questions and guiding you down the perfect path? Well, you do! Take a look in the mirror--it's you!Within each of us is our wise higher self, the part of us that connects our human self to our God self. God is everywhere, even in you, but sometimes the connection is forgotten. The Most Famous Line I Never Wrote There is one line that can dramatically impact your life and I want to share this quote with you but first let me explain.. Does Introspection Assist in Self Progression? Why would we need to examine our lives? What benefit does it yield? Isn't it just rehashing the past?All of these questions have merit and I will examine each in this article.Self progression has a strong tie to one's willingness to be able to reflect on pertinent decisions. Pay It Forward My friend Hugh Jeffries died. He was a wealthy man. Careful What You Wish For... I have always been fascinated by the concept of "wishing.", especially "collective wishing. Are We There Yet? In a recent disaster, a man was asked why he would keep searching for a loved one, even when he knew there was little hope of any survivors. He was told repeatedly, the chances of finding anyone still alive were very slim. Aftermath of a Child's Near Death Experience An 18 month-old girl lay dying of diphtheria in January of 1944. It was before the widespread use of antibiotics. Character is Whats Left When You Leave 1 Samuel 16:7".. Planning for the Unexpected Unfortunately, most people fail to plan until it is too late. History tells us that for centuries humans have been witness to tragedies, and often times have been the victim of them. Everyone Has Been Hurt...Part 2 continued.. Recognize the Perfect Realtor As soon as you have launched a strong desire, the answer is on its way. In that moment the Universe/God begins to orchestrate every person, event, and resource necessary to fulfill your desire.
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