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Dream Lover
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 1, 2003 I met my wife a dozen years ago and her best friend shortly thereafter. I was always fond of my wife's friend. We all shared a good deal of time together through our college years and now into our thirties. She is married with two children as are we. We live in the same town, our families spend a good deal of time together, and I'm good friends with her husband. My problem is I cannot stop thinking about her. I'll go out of my way to be with her. I dream about her nearly every night. I am physically attracted to her but no more than to any other good looking 30-year-old. My wife and I have a good relationship physically and emotionally. So what the heck is going on? What should I do? I can't break off all contact. Our families are much too close, and everybody will want to know why. I think telling my wife will only get her upset. So I am stuck with feelings I can't tell anybody about, and I can't think of any way to correct my situation. Robin Robin, there are many ways to alter the course of a life. For example, you could rob a bank. You could pass a note to a teller that says, "Give me all your money." That would change the course of your life, but it's not a very productive method and neither is this fantasy. Nowhere do you state this woman has a romantic interest in you. She seems to be an innocent puppet in a play you're staging in your mind. In fact, her reaction to an actual overture may turn your dream into a nightmare. If you tell your wife, it may change the way she looks at you forever. A huge amount of mental energy is flowing toward this other woman. Why? What is wrong with the rest of your life that your thoughts flow there? That is where you need to look. Your wife's best friend is a diversion from something you need to face up to. It could be your career is not going where you wanted. It could be something else. But before you take any more steps down fantasy road, focus on what you really think about your life, your job, and your family. The dream you had for life is not turning out as you hoped, and that is why you dream of your wife's best friend. Pulling mental energy away from her and shifting the focus to yourself, will point you toward the answer. If the answer still eludes you, individual counseling may help. Wayne & Tamara Not Enough I am in a relationship that is still fairly new. He and I have things in common, but our feelings toward this relationship are not mutual. He treats me exactly like I want to be treated, but I don't have a strong desire for him. Not that he's unattractive or anything like that, it's just I feel that it's a bit rushed. I am tired of casual dating and I want something solid, but not overnight. He also does and says everything he thinks I want to hear and not what he really feels. My sister thinks I am selfish and unappreciative, but that's not really the case. She tells me to keep him, he's a good man. I already know that, but I don't feel he's the good man for me. Nora Nora, without your sister's influence, we doubt you would have written. You have examined your own feelings and come to a reasoned conclusion. It is not enough that he is a good man. Maybe you are wiser than your years and wiser than your sister. It is not selfish to end a relationship which is wrong for you. To act from what you know is right takes character. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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One Night Stand Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 24, 2003I met someone over the weekend who is very, very famous. I was volunteering at a sports function and his sister was working the function. Anamcara - Being Forever Enough When was the last time you felt you were enough just as you are? When was the last time you felt that you were seen as the being you are? When was the last time you felt unconditionally loved and loving?When was the last time you felt life was itself enough? There was nothing to be added. There was nothing to be taken way. The Power of Gratitude When my older son was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, my first reaction was relief - I finally knew the reason for his behavior. However, I was also overwhelmed with sadness, fear and anger. Inspiration: A Few More Things Ive Noticed Along the Road So Far Here's a quote from the late great columnist Sydney Harris that I believe says much about the state of marriage in our culture: "Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that they automatically deserve great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes they automatically deserve success in marriage."One of the best unexpected blessings of marriage is to count the parents of your spouse among your friends. The Power of the Tongue There is an old proverb with a lot of wisdom. It says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and whoever loves it will eat its fruit. Tranquility It's all in the mind- your mind.It's not brought about in an instant by serene surroundings,nor by the sound of soulful music, nor the beauty of summer blooms. Vistas The other day I found myself frustrated with the slow progress on my new project. Other people involved, subcontractors, just 'weren't getting it'. Israel Is My Son "And thou shalt say unto Pharoah, Thus saith the Lord, "Israel is my son, even my first-born. And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me;and if thou refuse to let him go, behold I will slay thy son, even thy first born(Exodus 4. False Start Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 7, 2003.I was married three months ago, and I think I may have married the wrong woman. What Life is All About? When we look at lives in any places in this world, we may come to the similar red line. Those lives consist of phases that take living creature from a step to a further one. Happy Ending I'm writing to you with a completely shattered heart. I've known my wife for over five years, and we got married last August. Game-Set-Match Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 21, 2003I don't know whether to call it jealousy or insecurity. My husband and I have been married almost 30 years. Letting Go Of Perfection "The power of discovery enables us to achieve excellence without having to be "perfect.'"- Thomas Crum, The Magic of ConflictI arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. Blessings for the Soul In Corrogue I count my Blessings.These are numerous. On Stand-by Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 28, 2003My wife of 35 years has fallen in love again with her old college boyfriend. I am 61, and she is 58. Lance Armstrong an Inspiration Lance Armstrong has already proven he is the greatest athlete ever in the present period. Many ask what drives a man to press on, where does such strength of character come from. The Procrastinating Perfectionist Are you a procrastinating perfectionist? I once read an article dealing with the fear of failure and success. The author described it as the following: "The curse of the procrastinating perfectionist". Careful What You Wish For... I have always been fascinated by the concept of "wishing.", especially "collective wishing. Anamchara - Living a Meaningful Life At some stage of living your life you will ask the question "What does it mean to be here?"You may phrase the question in different ways but the essence of the question is the same. It represents your desire to know what it means to be alive on this earth. Who Is Dr Robert Anthony and Why Is He One of My Mentors and Heroes? So who is Dr Robert Anthony?He is the best-selling author of the books 'Doing What You Love - Loving What You Do', 'Advanced Formula For Total Success', 'How To Make The Impossible Possible', 'Total Self-Confidence', 'Betting On Yourself', 'Magic Power Of Super Persuasion', '50 Ideas That Can Change Your Life', 'Random Wisdom' and the audio program 'Rapid Manifestation'.These are all included in his latest multi-media course 'Know How To Be Rich'.
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