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Emancipation
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 8, 2003 When is it time to divorce a family member? I've been helping my partner manage his father's long-term care. This entails working with his brother who controls the purse strings. My partner and I are both artists, juggling multiple careers to realize our life work and get the bills paid. Our income is limited. My partner's brother is a self-made multimillionaire with multiple homes and his own private jet. We give what we can in terms of love, support, and managing round-the-clock care. The brother attempts to make us feel guilty by saying it is normal for all siblings to contribute financially and why aren't we. I found this man disgusting, repulsive, and nauseating when I first met him 12 years ago, and I feel exactly the same way now. I have always pretended to have a good time and to love him, which adds my dishonesty to the picture. The brother is about to limit how much money he contributes for his father's care. He will loan his father the rest. Once the equity is drained from the home and his father becomes indigent, the brother will provide the resources to take care of him. My partner is at peace that inheritance isn't part of his future, but my life is thrown entirely off balance and I end up with many sleepless nights. What bothers me is the distortion of reality. I communicate with my partner's brother in writing, but he consistently misrepresents what I've written to him. When I resend the information again and again, he claims it never happened or continues to misrepresent what I said. I showed the correspondence to a neutral third party, and she confirmed my perceptions. This man does not appear to be conscious of his distortions and really believes his lies are true. We've tried telephone communication, but it is simply too traumatizing for both my partner and me to talk with him on the phone. My counselor of many years has advised terminating the relationship, and my partner is also considering this. What do you think? Marc Marc, the first time you meet an individual who tells you up is down, right is left, and good is bad, it stuns you. You question your own judgment. But there are some people who will look you straight in the eye and lie. Because you operate from a basis of honesty and integrity, you are dumbfounded that there is not some appeal to goodness or some line of reasoning which will get through to your partner's brother. But there isn't. Believe the evidence of your own eyes. This man operates from the principle that he always gets to have his own way. You don't need to understand why he is that way. You need only accept how he is. Your father-in-law is going to be taken care of financially, and that is a wonderful thing. You asked when it is time to divorce a family member. The answer in your case is it was time about 11 years ago. Wayne & Tamara Innocence Lost I caught my husband cheating over a year and a half ago. We have worked things out meanwhile and even bought our first home. What is eating me up every day is always wondering if he will ever do this again. I asked him today if there was someone else, and indirectly he never answered my question. I feel so lost and insecure. What should I do to get past this? Donna Donna, the difficulty with staying with a cheater is you have to believe they won't do again what they were not supposed to do in the first place. The first time your husband cheated he took away your ability to believe he is faithful. We can't tell you how to get past this. With this man you can only look out for your own best interests. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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A Pickup Line Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 11, 2002I just started a wonderful new job. The atmosphere is laid-back, and the people alone make the place fantastic. Recipe for Success "Desire is a tremendous force, and must be directed in the right channels (to work). - Florence Scovel ShinnTake one cup of Desire,Mix well with a heart full of Passion,Shake in a tumbler of Willpower,Add a full cup of Thought. A Teller Of Tales Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 10, 2002I told my daughter I didn't think my daughter-in-law paid enough attention to her oldest son, 8. He has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is on Ritalin, and lately has been kicking and hitting little kids. It Only Takes a Spark - Pass It On Great inspiring people have influenced people in every area of life throughout centuries. Henry David Thoreau, the great 19th century transcendentalist writer, was influenced by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson. When Was the Last Time? When was the last time you smiled at a stranger?When was the last time you really enjoyed a good meal?When was the last time you did absolutely nothing all day and didn't feel guilty about it?When was the last time you did something special for yourself?When was the last time you anonymously did something nice for someone else?When was the last time you listened without interrupting?When was the last time you picked up the phone without looking at the caller-id?When was the last time you took a bath without any interruptions?When was the last time you made a child feel special?When was the last time you paid your bills on time?When was the last time you forgave someone?When was the last time you confronted someone who hurt you?When was the last time you said "I'm sorry" and meant it?When was the last time you had gratitude?When was the last time you liked what you saw in the mirror?When was the last time you prayed with conviction?When was the last time you stood up for yourself?When was the last time you paid someone a genuine compliment?When was the last time you avoided gossip?When was the last time you were happy with your weight/hair/skin/clothes/job?When was the last time you hugged your child?When was the last time you told someone you love them?When was the last time you silenced your inner critic?When was the last time you focused on your strengths instead of your weaknesses?When was the last time you did something you love?When was the last time you took a nap in the afternoon?When was the last time you shared in someone else's success?When was the last time you patted yourself on the back?When was the last time you took care of yourself?When was the last time you had a complete physical?When was the last time you went to the dentist?When was the last time you took a day off from work?When was the last time you felt satisfied with your life?Marie Magdala Roker is a Personal Development Coach an Author of Successful Thinking for a Successful Life: How to Banish the Unhealthy Thoughts and Habits That Limit Your Success. Her Successful Thinking? Program is an affordable coaching resource that offers support and encouragement when there are roadblocks to success. Quotable Quotes Are Nothing More Than Flowery Words Quotable quotes are nothing more than flowery words.. How Four Words Can Enhance Your Life Of Prayer (Pray More In My Hectic Day? You Cant Be Serious) "I would like to pray more. But . Long Odds Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 31, 2003I don't drive and have health problems. I have a friend who runs an under-the-table errand service. A Plausible Defense Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 5, 2002I just looked at your website and read "Wanting To Be Caught," and I truly think that is awful advice! You said and I quote, "You can't act as if you had no wish to end the marriage when you undertook marriage ending actions."I have just been caught cheating on my husband of 16 years, and at no point was I wanting to end my marriage. The Seasons Of Life, Part 3 of 5 This week is part three of our five part series on The Season's of Life.In Part One of the series, I stated:a) That life is about constant, predictable patterns of change. There Must Be More To Life Than This If you suffer from a nagging feeling of "there must be more to life than this", you're not alone."There must be more to life than this" can be an extremely de-motivating force. Never Too Busy to Listen Are things busy at your house or workplace? Imagine how in must be at Celestial Control Central:"Good morning, Gabriel. Let's go over what's on the old schedule for today. Are You Taking Responsibility? It is time to take responsibility for our actions and the results we create in our lives. It's time to stop expecting someone else to do for us what we are unwilling to do for ourselves. The Author Within You! I always had an active imagination when I was young. I hated school, and would pass the time away day- dreaming about things I should not even have known about at such a young age. Maybe Im Amazed at the Way you Love Me all the Time In Corrogue I am amazedI rise by the light of heaven to continue this amazing journey into love. There is no other journey quite like this. A Bad Move Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 7, 2003My husband is a wonderful man, we are in our thirties, well-educated and fairly affluent. However, his mother has been a stumbling block in our relationship from the start. Extreme Self Care EXTREME is not a term usually connected to self-care. Self-care usually portrays a picture of gentleness, kindness, loving self or being nurturing. On Track Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 27, 2003I have been involved with a married man for a little while. I am married myself, but it was an arranged marriage and I am very unhappy. What Does Faith Have To Do With Marketing? No, this isn't going to be a sermon or anything ? don't worry about that! I'm no preacher, so I wouldn't even think of trying; but what I do have is faith in myself and faith in the fact that I can be successful on the internet.Now, I'm not talking about your regular, everyday take-it-for-granted-because-I-can-do-it" faith in yourself. Those Who Sleep Get Sliced Chang lived in Flushing, Queens. Every afternoon he rode the train into Manhattan to work in the post office.
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