|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Caste Out
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 29, 2003 I am a 28-year-old Indian lady. I am in love with a 30-year-old Indian guy for the last four years. We share many interests in common and get along well. We are both Ph.D. students. The problem is the different communities to which we belong. We have a very complex social system and are allowed to marry only the person who belongs to our own community (caste). He belongs to a higher community than mine. My boyfriend feels he would never be able to convince his parents for the marriage, nor has he attempted this. He strongly believes he would not be happy if he hurts his parents, so two years ago he asked me to stop contacting him. It was very painful for me, but at the same time I realized I cannot force him into a relationship. We live in separate towns now. Until two months ago we had absolutely no contact, then he started contacting me. I know from his letters he is frustrated and lonely. Even though I stopped communicating with him, I love him with all my heart and cannot think of life with another man. I answered his letters, which are mostly about academics, and never asked him why he broke up with me. I haven't discussed my future with him nor he with me. Things look so uncertain I am confused. Should I continue with him or not? Reeta Reeta, there are many reasons why people feel they are better than other people. A religious person might say we are full of pride, and our pride makes us want to feel superior. A scientist might say we are primates and primates arrange themselves in dominance hierarchies. But the reasons for social differences don't matter. What matters is that you are revisiting a round of pain this man caused you two years ago. You are a bright, educated woman worthy of a man's love. Though you may care for him and he may care for you, he is letting something other than love make his choices. He is not offering you marriage or apologizing for cutting you out of his life two years ago. He is wheedling his way back into your life in the same wheedling way he left it. He is coming back because he is lonesome, not because he is ready to defend you as the woman he loves. When a person cannot swim, it doesn't mean they can jump in the water two years later unless something has changed. You need to tell him that. If he hasn't changed, you are indulging yourself in something which can only cause you pain. If you give him a shoulder to cry on, all you are likely to get is a wet shoulder. Wayne & Tamara The Open Road My name is June, and I have a friend, Mary. Mary is 45 and very overweight. We ride our Harleys together all the time. Mary wears her shirts tied up in a big knot, and her huge tummy sticks out. It is very, very unattractive and very embarrassing to me. I watch people stare, I hear their comments, and I hate it. I'm five feet tall, petite, and I don't even wear my clothes like that. How can I talk to her without hurting her feelings? June June, perhaps the essence of riding a Harley is freeing yourself from scripts of conduct and norms of behavior. We all long to be free of a closed caste system where everyone knows our place. We long to express our uncensored individual self. That is what Mary gets out of riding her Harley. You can't tell her what you feel without hurting her feelings. But letting go of the feeling that you are responsible for another's actions will give you the feeling of freedom Mary feels as she rides her motorcycle. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
 |
|
|
Healing The Abandonment Wounds I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published books. Every individual I've worked with has had some abandonment wound to heal, and most relationship problems stem from abandonment wounds. Selfish Beings Trouble, trouble, trouble. Nothing but trouble. Long Odds Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 31, 2003I don't drive and have health problems. I have a friend who runs an under-the-table errand service. Forgotten Dreams: At the End... Part I Treasures of a lifetime.. Living Profoundly When you realize that you really want to have an impact in this world, to make a difference, remember that it is in each moment that you are alive and in the present. When you are too busy worrying about what you don't have, what you have to do, where you've been, and what you don't have, you're not in the present; you're consumed by the past you can't change and the future that has yet to happen. Second Thoughts? Think Again! Life is perfect. If you have read these articles long enough, you have seen this written in several different forms and ways. Imaginings Most people like movies. Some, like me, are enthralled by them. Entrepreneur and Mom When I was 12 years old, I had surgery with complications. I was told there was a chance I would not be able to have children. Is the Life Youre Living the Life You Want? In pre-revolutionary Russia, a rabbi was walking to the synagogue. A Russian soldier stopped him and asked, "Who are you and what are you doing here?" The rabbi answered, "How much do they pay you for doing this job?" The soldier replied, "Twenty kopeks. You Are a Beautiful Person I wish that I could tell every person that I meet that he or she is a beautiful person--and have them believe it. I wish I could look them in the eyes and tell them of their beauty and have them accept the words for what they truly are--the truth, plain and simple. Using Failure to Further Your Future "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." Margaret ThatcherFailure. Dreams Keep Us Going The eyes are the portals of the inner self; the doorway to the soul. If you will look into someone's eyes you will either see the glossy reflection of light, the life of the soul, or you will see a dull non-reflective image of darkness. 7 Strategies To Make Room For Money Laws of the Attraction notwithstanding, there are several external ways that you can make room for more money in your life.Yes, there are those of you who can manifest whatever you want, whenever you want. Trusting Your Genius Within Comments about New Theories in the Professions and Business!I recall reading an article in The New York Times which fascinated me entitled, "Geniuses, Crackpots and a Grand Unified Theory" by James Glanz. The article basically stated that even geniuses have some crackpot ideas! It was about one genius meeting with other geniuses expounding all types of incredible theories. Energy Work Basics Part 3: The Power of High Intention At SPIRIT Connections, we believe that the most powerful tool we have when working with energy is our ability to set a high intention. We add the word "high" to intention since we are interested in intentions with a high vibration. Everyday is a Gift, Open and Enjoy It There is a bottle of perfume sitting on my dresser that I was given when I was ten years old! As you can tell I have pack rat tendencies! For me that pattern started as a young child. I could never bear to throw things away. Tim McGraw had it Right - Live Like You Are Dying! Chorus: An' he said: "I went ski diving, I went rocky mountain climbing, "I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu" "And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, "And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying." An he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance, "To live like you were dyin'. Eradicating The Heart of Poverty Poverty can sometimes only be a state of mind, based on our perception and what we value in life. It is also a disheartening reality for many. Create 10 Delightful Daily Habits Practising extreme self-care in our life involves practising good "daily" habits. Daily habits involve more than just exercising and eating right. Charity - Give To Receive! We all know the truism that "charity begins at home." Does it? And what is charity about, anyway? Is it just a square on a Monopoly game to you or is it a regular practice of giving from your abundance to those in need?My American Heritage dictionary has 5 definitions of charity.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||
| Interesting sites: site map- backup program- Bali travel guide haba legetj- V2 snus- |