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Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 5, 2004 I am a captain in the Marine Corps. A year ago my wife cheated on me with another Marine. He lived in an apartment facing ours, which I passed every day on my way to work. She was my girlfriend at the time, and she told me because she felt guilty about it. She said it only happened once. She said she never talked to the guy again except to tell him to leave her alone. I married her even after I found out because I love her and because I feel everyone deserves a second chance. I hold a lot of anger inside about it, especially since I worked on the same base with him. He left a little while ago for another assignment, and the apartment is empty now. My question is how do you stop thinking about it? I picture it in my mind like a broken record. I don't want to keep hounding my wife over this. I want to get over it and move on. But I just get kind of sick when I think of his hands on her. I wonder if she will do it again, and I wonder if I am not good enough, especially in bed. To be honest, I don't know why she cheated other than she was unhappy about money and about moving to a new base. She stated she wanted him from the minute she saw him and he was the best looking man she had ever seen. I am so insecure over this it is unreal. I have never and would never cheat. Monty Monty, forty years ago Roy Orbison sang, "It breaks your heart in two, To know she's been untrue." Today Puddle of Mudd sings, "?have to find a way to take the knife out of my back." Forty years from now someone else will be singing the same story, and it will sound like the same old broken record. Even when you no longer see this man's empty apartment, looking at your wife will be a reminder of what happened. The who, when, and where don't matter. What matters is that no reason she gave you justifies cheating. What matters is that you rewarded the one who caused you pain with a wedding. Now you have made the pain a full-time part of your life. She gave you a losing ticket, and you gave her the prize. Your anger is simply the other side of the fear she will do it again. You tried to avoid the pain of losing her, but once she was unfaithful, she was already gone. You needed to work through that pain and move on with someone who would be faithful. The title of Roy Orbison's 1964 song, "It's Over," holds your answer. Tamara Rewiring Our divorce will be final in five weeks. My wife blames me for everything which went wrong in our relationship, and I admit some things were my fault. However, in the time we were together she never once said she was sorry or understood where I was coming from. Foolishly I still feel obligated to her. She calls and asks me for favors. She starts talking nicely, then tells me what a horrible person I am. I leave these conversations feeling emotionally and spiritually drained. I don't want to say hurtful things to her, yet I need this to stop. I guess part of me still hopes for reconciliation. Ozzie Ozzie, your wires are crossed. Abuse and love are opposites. Once you uncross your wires it will change your whole perspective. It will shed light on new relationships as well as your old one. For the next five weeks, to thy old self be true. Once the divorce is final, change your phone number. Your wife has given you a great gift, the chance to discover what love actually is. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Why Read Inspirational Quotes? Maybe you've heard this one:"What does it profit a man to have gained the whole world, and to have lost his soul?" - Jesus ChristInspirational quotes and sayings from the present day or centuries past, can inspire and instruct us. This is true regardless of the religious or spiritual tradition they come from. The Amazing Destructive Power of Tradition After more than thirty years of studying the Bible I can say with full assurance that Jesus Christ never contradicted himself. There is one instance where it would seem that he did but after careful examination I found that rather than a contradiction it ends up being more of an enigma. Leading a World Class Life Every four years the world is given the gift of the Olympics. For a few weeks nations lay down their arms and come together to let their world class athletes compete on a level playing field to see who the best is in the many events. The Procrastinating Perfectionist Are you a procrastinating perfectionist? I once read an article dealing with the fear of failure and success. The author described it as the following: "The curse of the procrastinating perfectionist". My name is Smarty Jones -- Embracing Gods Glory Our deepest fear us not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Numbers Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 19, 2003I'm currently in the classic older man and younger woman relationship. I'm 50 years old, Nancy is 30, and we are both divorced. Rightful Owner Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 20, 2003I was recently looking through some old photos when I found some of an ex-boyfriend when he was a child. I remember him telling me at the time these were the only photos that exist of him as a child, and that these are the only copies. Turning Your Life Over To God and Trusting Him To Lead You Is Like . . . . . . . Is Transformation Worth the Effort? Soaring 700 feet above the forest floor is a granite dome two miles long and a mile wide. Stone Mountain, 16 miles east of Atlanta, Georgia, was the ideal site for a memorial to General Robert E. Clicking to Good Vibrations! Recently my dad visited me in Victoria, BC. He is THE most appreciative person I know!While we were out shopping one day, I insisted upon stopping at one place and then another and another--intensly searching for a specific item. Body Acceptance: The Secret to Weight Loss Success Can we love our bodies? As the years go by, each decade brings new and unexpected changes. We move from adolescence to young adulthood. The Fighting Father This man is an Anglican priest but with a difference. You would not want to offend him put it that way. How Do You Do That? Demystifying People With Disabilities IntroductionNearly all employers and human resource professionals are aware of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). Yet, how often do you, your colleagues, or the average individual have contact with someone who is visually impaired/blind, using a wheel chair, or profoundly deaf? When you do, how do you react? Interact? Ignore? Assist? Marvel at their ability to move through their environment living full and productive lives?What can you do to put yourself and the person with a disability at ease? Well, this is our purpose here. Entrepreneur and Mom When I was 12 years old, I had surgery with complications. I was told there was a chance I would not be able to have children. Smile! Banish Your Fear Changing our physiology is one of the best ways to change the way we think and feel. Smiling (and I don't mean just a little smile - a big grin will do!) has the ability to change how we feel in an instant. How to Get Over Emotional Misery Whether it's a holiday, anniversary, birthday or a time in your life where the rug of life itself seems to have been ripped out from beneath your feet, and you feel the kind of depression where you pray to not wake up, take heart. I have been there, and have learned how to come out of it to the other side of beaming joy, and want to pass this information on to you. Accelerate Your Abilities In today's fast-paced life, the wins usually go to those with exceptional skills and abilities. The old quote is true, "The race is not always won by the swift and the strong, but that is the way to bet. Brilliance in Balance "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else." - Ralph Waldo EmersonThe sun creeps above the eastern horizon, and shoots its long red beams across a frozen lake. Labor That Works Miracles (excerpted from The Challenge to Succeed series)Two thousand years ago on April 15th one of Jesus' disciples came to him and said it was time to pay taxes (that's how I know it was around April 15th), but they had no money. In response to his disciple's statement Jesus said "no problem". Stop Trying to be Perfect In the moment of completing a thought or action, it becomes "perfect," within our ability to do it. Any process is perfect, in relationship to what it created.
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