|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Conspiracy of Silence
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 12, 2004 I'm hoping you can help me with a moral problem that crops up every now and then in my personal and professional life. Sometimes I find myself being blamed for an error or lack of judgment that actually occurred on someone else's part. For example, I asked someone at work about using a certain location for a display, was given the go-ahead, then chastised for using that location. When the only way I can defend myself involves pointing the finger at someone else, I'm in a real quandary. I am rarely prepared to defend myself if it means making someone else look bad. I handle the problem by saying nothing. I simply don't know what to say. There is usually ample opportunity for the person responsible to come forward, but I find that hardly ever happens. How can I handle this type of problem without taking the low road of attacking others? What is the moral or ethical thing to do? Karla Karla, each of us has principles of behavior rattling around in our head. These principles range from the Golden Rule to Miss Manners' etiquette to the Boy Scout Creed. Often we are not sure which principle to apply. The principle you are applying here is the playground and schoolyard rule which says one shouldn't snitch to a parent or teacher. It is not an ethical rule so much as a rule children employ in play. A much more basic rule applies. That is the rule which says, in simple justice, each of us deserves to be known for the person we are. Your lack of explanations makes you look guilty. Coming forward and explaining why you acted as you did should not be a moral or ethical problem for you. It is simply a matter of fact. If you acted because Sheila told you to do it that way, or the employee handbook says to do it that way, or you have always done it that way and no one told you otherwise, you are simply reporting a fact. You should look at this as an impersonal matter, much as if you are reporting the time or the weather. When you report facts in these situations, there are three rules to remember. The three rules are: don't apologize, don't apologize, and don't apologize. An apology is due when you have done something wrong; no apology is called for when stating the reality of a situation. Karla, you don't have an ethical problem here, but the people who know the truth and remain silent do. Wayne Missing Holiday Spirit This Christmas I went to a lot of trouble to find special gifts for my grandchildren. I have some health challenges, and it was a stretch physically to shop for these gifts. Since I was in their neighborhood the week before Christmas, I left my presents under the tree ahead of time. They expected me Christmas morning, and I called ahead to say I was on my way. When I arrived carrying two grocery bags with food, my grandson met me at the door saying he really liked the books. I couldn't believe my ears. They had opened my gifts without me! I told my daughter I was disappointed, and she said she was "sorry" I hadn't left "instructions." Her husband told me they have a rule in their house: no whining. What should I do? Skip Christmas for them? Forgive and forget? Move? Clara Clara, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it still make a sound? If a child receives a gift and you are not there, is he still filled with joy? Don't skip Christmas with your family. Next year take the gifts with you on Christmas morning, and be grateful for a son-in-law with such a wise rule for his household. Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
 |
|
|
A Global Empathy Deficit- 2 Lessons ".. FEAR Don't Let it Control You! Fear. What is it? Can you touch it? Can you hold it? Can you show it to another person? I can almost hear you from where I am sitting. Self Acceptance - Lessons From My Hair Affair For our diet and, indeed, in every aspect of our lives, we must remember to relax from the demands of the unrealistic ideal. For those trying to lose weight, you cannot be the Barbie. Lifestyle Changes - A Conscious Choice! Are you ready for a change? Is it time for those plans that you've been thinking about for so long? Now is a good time for making plans, for lifestyle changes, starting over, finding new directions and developing as a human being. Now is a very good time for creating your own personal lifestyle and a life that you have chosen to live. Adversity to Victory The following is a true story about a young friend who lives in St. Louis. Generosity Is The Seed Of Wealth Generosity, which includes the free, no strings-attached sharing of resources, money, and information among people, is the seed of prosperity. What was the initial seed planted that caused the "Silicon Valley Miracle" No, it was not the invention of the oscilloscope by David Hewlett and William Packard, but, rather, an act of no-strings attached generosity, the founding of Stanford University by Leland Stanford. The Final Frontier When all that you have done has not brought you what you truly desire, isn't it about time to move out of the box ask questions and make changes?What would you think if you went to your doctor and he hit you over the head with a rubber hammer to knock you out before some minor surgery? Does the horse and buggy now serve you to take you to work each day? Would you settle for going down town to the telegraph office, to have a message sent to your aunt across the country? Could you possibly get along without your cel phone, fax machine or microwave oven?The answer is "of course not." We have evolved and our world is moving much too quickly to rely on out dated technology to serve us. Everyone Has Been Hurt..... Part 5 Continued.. The Inspiration Factor The first thing that an aspiring leader must realize is that they must be inspiring! That is, they must be capable of, and willing to inspire people on to greater things than if the leader were not in their lives.So, is this too grandiose an ideal for the average local business owner? Absolutely not. Life lessons - An Inpirational Story Ju was physically abused as a child. She lived with a mother who was diagnosed with post depression and a father who was a wife abuser. Full Disclosure Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 21, 2003I hope you can talk me out of this bad feeling. I watched the Michael Jackson program where he was talking about how he was treated by his father. The Power of Inspiration INSPIRATION can be a powerful thing. It can keep you going when all around you cries out "quit!" It is even more powerful than motivation,as motivation gives you your basic reasons to keepgoing--it tells you why you want to do what you do, because motivation is based on goals. How To Turn Your Life Around FAST! There is nothing more important than feeling good.Come again? Didn't I just tell you how bad everything is!When you feel good you raise your vibrations. Commitment To The Journey I have been a business owner for about a minute. In fact, that would probably be quite generous if you compared me to the business moguls out here or anywhere for that matter. Lessons about Life in an Unexpected Place Did you ever receive a gift in an unexpected place?I did, when I went to McDonald's recently. My order was mistakenly placed as a Child's Happy Meal. Favorite Quotations... What Do They Say About Us? Have you stopped to think what your favorite quotes are saying about you and your life experiences?How you relate to them? How they relate to you?Today.. Just Say, I Love You to Those Who are... Life is beautiful and lovable with the type of people we have around us. We talk about unconditional love, what is that? The way we love GOD?is unconditional love. Adages for the New Age The old familiar adages just don't do it for me any more. For instance, consider "the early bird gets the worm. The Dot We have all grown up in an age where exploration into dramatic new territory has become routine. We have had people travel into space to live for short periods of time. Playing With Fire Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 21, 2002I am a stay-at-home mom, 24, married to my husband, 26, for six years. He has a problem chatting with young girls online.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||
| Interesting sites: site map- backup program- Bali travel guide haba legetj- V2 snus- |