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Duplicity
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 26, 2004 We've been married 20 years. In order to spice up our sex life we would occasionally share fantasies, and one that seemed to turn us both on involved my wife with me and another man. This remained a fantasy until recently when we had drinks with a photographer who specializes in "boudoir photography." Probably as a result of too much wine I asked if he would take photos of my wife, and he agreed. On the day of the photo session my wife asked me what she should do as she was nervous. I conveyed to her she was to lose her inhibitions and enjoy the experience. The shoot took place at midday, and I could not be there. Afterwards she told me the photo session had been a success. She and the photographer shared a bottle of wine, and in the course of the session she'd learned much about posing properly. She went on to say she and the photographer participated in a whole gamut of sex acts she really enjoyed since he had unlimited stamina. She said she hoped I felt good since she had gone along with it for me. She says she loves me more than ever and will not ever do this again. Her subsequent actions support this. Although I helped to arrange it, I am unable to stop thinking of the whole episode. I want to get over it and move on, but I'm losing sleep big time. John John, in one of Mozart's operas, an older man bets two younger ones their sweethearts are fickle. As part of the bet, the two younger men are to pretend to be called away, then return in disguise and try to seduce the women. The older man is confident the women will not be faithful; the young men are equally confident they will be. While the plot is hokey, it flirts with a great truth. Our deepest desire is for someone who wants only us. What you really want is for your wife to say and mean, "You are the only one I could ever make love to." That is the sexier thing and the deeper desire. You didn't understand your sexual fantasy would override your deeper desire. In your head you controlled the outcome. In actuality, you controlled nothing. You didn't fantasize your feelings would turn out like this. But in the letters we receive, one or both parties is always revolted by the outcome. Your wife was not true to your fantasy. You weren't there, and that is why you feel she is mollifying you. But even if you had been there, your feelings would likely be the same. We never, ever, recommend intimate relationships with more than one person. In the letters we receive, the outcome is always what you describe. Wayne & Tamara Diminished Capacity Last month my boyfriend of eight years and I hosted a New Year's Eve party. After I was completely and utterly drunk, my boyfriend and best friend took me into the bedroom with plans to have a threesome. We discussed this before but not thoroughly. My somewhat sober boyfriend had sex with her. Apparently (I don't remember much) I approved. Now I am heartbroken. Everything that was so special between us is gone. I look at him with disgust because of the things they did. I am so ashamed this happened. I don't know if I'll ever get over this. Audra Audra, we get more letters about sexual jealousy than about any other topic. This is the most intimate act you can do with another person. Most people cannot tolerate even the suggestion there is someone else in their partner's life. The third, fourth, fifth, or sixteenth person in an intimate relationship dilutes and devalues the relationship. When the relationship is no longer mutually exclusive, the boundaries are lost, and usually, so is the relationship. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Nurture Your Heart Pregnant with her first child, Jill could barely contain her excitement over the dreams and hopes she cherished for her unborn baby, whom she had already named Mara (she was so sure it was a girl). She practiced the lullabies she would sing as she nursed Mara close to her breast. Have You Ever Felt GOD in You? God is the primordial Creative Force that is believed to have created each atom that we see around us. When you sit and muse, have you ever heard a voice inside you talking to you? That is the voice that is in you, whom you may also call GOD. A Plan Of Attack Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 28, 2002I feel I am at the breaking point. I work at a small school and run the office. A New Strategy Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 3, 2003My mother-in-law drives me crazy! She is an antisocial, critical, know-it-all who can't find anything decent to say about anyone but herself. Every time she comes to visit it puts such a damper on my relationship with my wife, it takes us days to recover. Everyone Has Been Hurt..... Part 5 Continued.. Need A Boost? Take a Look at How Far Youve Come Too many of us are too hard on ourselves, always alert to that devilish voice whispering "you should be farther along in life". Smother that voice right now by reading this quote by Booker T. You Can Make a Difference When I study of world these days, I see a lot of despair, and hopeless. There are countless problems that our society faces such as war, the degradation of the environment, and crimeHowever, I believe that there is hope for the future of society. Alone But Not Lonely In today's fast paced society, we've become accustomed to filling the eeriness of silence with fluff. We turn to many distractions as a means of escaping feelings of idleness or boredom. Get Your Guidance and Get to Know Your True Self Many people feel they have everything they need in life, yet happiness remains elusive. What is the key, the missing element when everything seems satisfactory externally? The answer: look within. Create Your Own Self Esteem - Part 1 Self-esteem is something that we all wish we had more of. Some of us go through our entire life feeling "self-esteem deficient". How Do You Read the Bible? Here's a simple parable with an important moral.Each mirror, you see, has inspectors, who, acting as corporate protectors, must find any scratch, every unseemly patch. The Power of Courtesy and Kindness I'm currently listening to The Secrets of the Power of Intention audio program by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Life is Art In my years teaching people to be successful, I have seen that basically people break their lives down in to two major parts: Wealth-building and the rest of their lives. Having done a lot of reflection on these two topics - wealth and life - I am coming to some new conclusions about how to perceive the two. Its A Brand New Day Waking up one day and realizing your world just isn't working for you is the first step into an incredibly exciting new journey. That awakening is to be the first of many. Put To The Sword Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 23, 2002My girlfriend has an aggressive sense of humor. She teases and likes to parry put-downs. Keep Hope Alive "Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all.. What We Believe We Create - Love is the Creation I once was told by the Angels that our concept of Love would fit on the head of a straight pin and the size of the Universe and more is the love that is felt for us by God and the Angels. If this is so, and I believe that it is . Why Are We So Lost? The Journey Home Did you ever wonder how you ended up where you are in your life? Is life a culmination of a series of very carefully planned moves or a hodge podge of serendipitous events? Of course as we get to know ourselves better, our radar becomes more finely tuned. Our intuition develops and we become more secure with our inner knowing. Body Acceptance: The Secret to Weight Loss Success Can we love our bodies? As the years go by, each decade brings new and unexpected changes. We move from adolescence to young adulthood. One Night Stand Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 24, 2003I met someone over the weekend who is very, very famous. I was volunteering at a sports function and his sister was working the function.
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