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Myth And Reality
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 2, 2004 I am at a complete loss about what to do with my mother-in-law to be. In a nutshell, she's verbally abusive. She treats my fiance like a child, and yet he is 30. She calls me stupid. He has put up with this behavior all his life and won't stand up to her. I love my fiance, but if this is how it's going to be the rest of our lives, I'm having second thoughts. She's an unreasonable person who throws a fit whenever people don't do things her way. I've done my best to keep peace with her. I treat her kindly and do my utmost to be respectful and listen to her. I know I need to be more assertive and set some boundaries, in a kind manner of course. I believe in treating others with respect no matter the difficulty of the situation. Sadly, she could care less about others' feelings. My fiance's a wonderful guy, but how do I deal with his mom? When we announce our engagement, she's going to go ballistic. Danielle Danielle, in mythology Venus was Psyche's mother-in-law. Venus decreed she would not accept Psyche as a daughter-in-law unless she performed several preposterous tasks. Great quantities of wheat, lentils, peas, poppy seeds, barley, and millet were mixed together, and Psyche had to sort them by nightfall. Aided by an army of ants, Psyche did it. Another task required Psyche to fetch water from a mountain spring guarded by dragons. Again Psyche succeeded, this time helped by an eagle. You are writing to us as if we command magical power. We don't. You want to treat this woman as you have been, yet you want her to change. The first time "stupid" came out of her mouth the issue should have been addressed. Ground rules need to be set from the start. Pretend you are her. Why should she change? You treat her with respect . She is doing a better job of teaching you than you are of teaching her. Turning the other cheek is not appropriate because it will not stop or correct her behavior. When the food is unpalatable, you send it back to the chef. Have your boyfriend agree to stay on the sidelines, then confront his mother each time she crosses the line of acceptable behavior. If this problem isn't solved before you marry, heed your second thoughts. Tamara Sight Unseen I can't believe I'm writing for advice, but I think the time has come. I have been intimately involved with my lover for two years. She has been in a relationship with another woman for eight years. Needless to say, I am the other woman in her life. I am at the point where I want to end our relationship. My problem is I don't know how. We started out as friends and have had so many fun times together I'm scared of losing that. I don't want to hurt her, but I am mature and wise enough to know the entire situation seems to be a lost cause. My lover tells me I am trying to put a time limit on when we will be together, but after two years I feel I have the right to know what the future holds for me but there are no answers. Susannah Susannah, Tamara often says, "What most letters boil down to is the letter writer is unwilling to do the hard thing." There's no point in giving you an answer because you already know the answer. But the right answer is the hard thing. When a relationship is going nowhere, you need to end it. Continuing takes away the opportunity of finding the right person. In addition, ending a wrong relationship gives you the courage to end wrong relationships in the future. It is hard to choose uncertainty, but that is where potential happiness lies. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Honesty Those who pride themselves on their honesty should also concern themselves with this principle: The effectiveness of honesty depends on a person's willingness to face the truth, which may conflict with this person's desires and provoke denial.In such a case, how can one promote this willingness, despite this conflict? The answer to this question could prove useful to anyone who seeks to be effectively honest with people in denial. Adversity to Victory The following is a true story about a young friend who lives in St. Louis. How To Develop A Grateful Mind (The Best Medicine) There is one sure fire medicine that cures all difficulty and opens the way for your greatest good. It allows you to sleep well at night, wake up refreshed and filled with enthusiasm. What We Believe We Create - Love is the Creation I once was told by the Angels that our concept of Love would fit on the head of a straight pin and the size of the Universe and more is the love that is felt for us by God and the Angels. If this is so, and I believe that it is . The Information Age Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 1, 2003My sister and I are very close, and we don't keep things from one another. Recently she shared with me concerns about her sex life, or lack thereof. Afraid of The Light? Plato once said, "It is easy to forgive a small child afraid of the dark, but not a full-grown man afraid of the light." Since long before Plato light has symbolized truth--facing the reality of our situation in relation to God, to others, and to self. Pattern of Ripples The Emmaus Journal Pattern of RipplesPicture within your mind an imaginary pool of water. Visualize a stone thrown into the water and see the waves of concentric circles that emulate from its point of contact. Trust Yourself - The Hero's Way! Buying a VCR may not seem like a noteworthy purchase in a high-tech world yet it proved to be a worthy blessing offering much learning. Boxes filled with VHS recordings were unearthed from dark recesses where they had hidden for over a decade. Making the Most of Your Peak and Off-peak Times What is the most essential part of your business? You are!As small business owners, we think we should be working on our business 24 hours a day. Breaks and quiet time are an increasingly rare event. 7 Keys for Joyful Living! Here are some thoughts for finding and experiencing joy in your life. If there were one thing I could wish upon my family, friends and the readers of this Ezine, it would be joy in everything they do!Know your purpose. Helen Keller: A Teller and a Seller What are the odds of someone doing extraordinary things if that person lost their sight, hearing and speech at nineteen months of age? Helen Keller overcame enormous disadvantages to influence the world. Although her teacher and mentor, Anne Sullivan, achieved great results with her, ultimately, Keller's success was up to Keller. When Was the Last Time? When was the last time you smiled at a stranger?When was the last time you really enjoyed a good meal?When was the last time you did absolutely nothing all day and didn't feel guilty about it?When was the last time you did something special for yourself?When was the last time you anonymously did something nice for someone else?When was the last time you listened without interrupting?When was the last time you picked up the phone without looking at the caller-id?When was the last time you took a bath without any interruptions?When was the last time you made a child feel special?When was the last time you paid your bills on time?When was the last time you forgave someone?When was the last time you confronted someone who hurt you?When was the last time you said "I'm sorry" and meant it?When was the last time you had gratitude?When was the last time you liked what you saw in the mirror?When was the last time you prayed with conviction?When was the last time you stood up for yourself?When was the last time you paid someone a genuine compliment?When was the last time you avoided gossip?When was the last time you were happy with your weight/hair/skin/clothes/job?When was the last time you hugged your child?When was the last time you told someone you love them?When was the last time you silenced your inner critic?When was the last time you focused on your strengths instead of your weaknesses?When was the last time you did something you love?When was the last time you took a nap in the afternoon?When was the last time you shared in someone else's success?When was the last time you patted yourself on the back?When was the last time you took care of yourself?When was the last time you had a complete physical?When was the last time you went to the dentist?When was the last time you took a day off from work?When was the last time you felt satisfied with your life?Marie Magdala Roker is a Personal Development Coach an Author of Successful Thinking for a Successful Life: How to Banish the Unhealthy Thoughts and Habits That Limit Your Success. Her Successful Thinking? Program is an affordable coaching resource that offers support and encouragement when there are roadblocks to success. Lifes Purpose To every life, there is a purpose; a purpose of will and a purpose of choice. A choice to make the right or wrong decisions and the will to act on the choices made. Making Commitments of Love and Courage There is a story about a little girl who suffered from a serious disease. Her best chance of recovery would be to receive a blood transfusion from her five-year old brother. Revenge in the End is Bitter Sweet We ALL think or have thought about it at one time or another. Revenge! Yes, we plan, we let our minds conjure up ways to get back at someone who we believe has wronged us (at this point you should hear the Austin Power-Dr. The Minds Fancy Dress Party -Or- A Brainstorming Session In Berlin a restaurant opens for anorexics and in Buffalo a lawyer with a stutter wins a court case. When everything you're working on has gone STALE and your own initially promising concepts are starting to annoy you, you need a brainstorming session to get to the missing bits or generate some new ideas. Love and Courage To [many] work is not a gratifying opportunity to do good, but a necessary evil they would gladly forgo if they won or inherited a fortune. It is just a livelihood, a vital drudgery. Second Thoughts? Think Again! Life is perfect. If you have read these articles long enough, you have seen this written in several different forms and ways. Adversity, What Is It Good For? As I sat down to write this article, I was reflecting back over the last week - a week filled with adversity. We all go through it and it is during those times that we may often wonder what is it all for anyway? What is the point? What is it good for?I decided to look up the word, adversity, from my old American Heritage Dictionary. Have You Ever Felt GOD in You? God is the primordial Creative Force that is believed to have created each atom that we see around us. When you sit and muse, have you ever heard a voice inside you talking to you? That is the voice that is in you, whom you may also call GOD.
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