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Been There, Done That
Fourteen years ago I was divorced from my second wife, her idea. I'll call her Kay. But I never lost my love for her. She married again and had two children. We always remained friends, however my new wife could not relate to that, so contact via any manner was limited. Kay divorced again about four years ago, and my wife just passed away recently. Kay sent her condolences and that has led to a meeting for coffee in the near future. First, I feel guilt because my wife's passing is not even a month old, and my heart is buzzing for Kay. Second, my heart tells me I could live with Kay for the rest of my life, but my intellect tells me I would be a fool to now raise the two kids of the man she left me for. I feel if I ever commit myself to Kay, I may regret the children, and our relationship would be ruined. I also feel if I don't commit myself to Kay, I may regret losing the woman I never stopped loving. Keith Keith, a friend of ours is a superb horsewoman. A few years ago she acquired a stunningly beautiful, gray Paso Fino horse. This horse had the characteristic gait of the Paso Fino. When he walked slowly forward, his hooves beat the ground in a perfect four beat rhythm like the rapid roll of a drum. She knew he had been mishandled and abused by a string of previous owners. Our friend saw the potential in this horse, but no matter how much she worked with him, she could not make him achieve that potential. She experienced one more thing. This was a dangerous animal. A less accomplished rider might have been seriously injured. Finally, she had to admit the horse's flaws and let him go. In your imagination there is something about Kay which allows you to deny the reality of her actions. You wooed Kay, you were engaged to Kay, you legally married Kay, and she left you for another man. You might call her children the children of another man, but they are her children. They came out of her body. The children are completely innocent. Until you can get this turned around in your head, you need to consider whether to even meet Kay. The term which describes what you are doing is displacement. It means transferring emotion from the original object to a more acceptable substitute. The loathing you feel for Kay's children is really the loathing and anger you feel toward Kay for leaving you. Put the blame where it belongs. It doesn't belong on the children, it belongs on Kay. Kay is looking out for Kay. Like our friend with the Paso Fino, you need to admit Kay's flaws and let her go. Wayne & Tamara He Loves Me Not Me and my boyfriend recently split up. It was amicable, but he turned nasty, said he hated me, and erased me from his mobile. Then he decided he would like to be friends. To make matters worse, he keeps telling me he misses me and still loves me. I feel like he's messing with my head. Is there any advice you can give me in order to either get him back or to move on? I feel like he's playing games. Alice Alice, your ex-boyfriend has you pulling petals from a daisy. With the first you say, "He loves me." With the second you say, "He loves me not." He has you wondering which answer the final petal will yield. He has you playing games. With a true love the flower isn't destroyed. All the petals are intact. But when someone makes you play this game, know that the final petal always is, "He loves me not." Accept the answer and move on. Wayne & Tamara Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 12, 2004 About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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A Rush Home to Rapture Riding a rush, being juiced, flying high-this is the feeling we strive for every day.What's the huge attraction to this heightened state? Many medical authorities would have us believe that the desire for a constant high is an addiction-and an unhealthy and unrealistic one at that. Israel Is My Son "And thou shalt say unto Pharoah, Thus saith the Lord, "Israel is my son, even my first-born. And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me;and if thou refuse to let him go, behold I will slay thy son, even thy first born(Exodus 4. Beautiful Day Blues The massive orb dominates the aqua crystalline backdrop of its own making, floods its rays on everything below. The sky devoid of a single cloud seems as empty as I feel and the beach looks like an arid desert, molded by tireless wind and blazing heat. Thoughts Are Like Seeds - Are You Planting Flowers or Weeds? "You can't harvest what you don't sow. So plant your desires, gently nurture them and they will be rewarded with abundance. Dont Let The Door Hit You Where The Good Lord Split You! I knew precisely what I wanted. I felt that success was only inches away. Five Minutes Before the Miracle Even though this article was next on my idea list, and I write them in order whether I want to or not, I REALLY didn't want to write this article. Why not? Because it's about not giving up five minutes before the miracle-and I'm in the process of doing just that. Overcoming Addiction Dear Candace,I am having trouble letting go of an over the counter addiction and smoking. I really need the Holy Spirit to guide me and strengthen me so I can overcome these things. The Importance of Friendship My students and clients have constantly heard me stress that our Martial Art is more than just a physical discipline; that it is a discipline that develops both the mind and body. This is so important that Soke Masaaki Hatsumi, the grand master of our lineages, has made it the primary thrust of just about every one of his books about Ninpo and Martial Arts in general. I.Q. You Q. He, She, or It Qs. I have, in recent years, come to believe that IQ tests are a waste of time for most of us, and a waste of money for some of us. In fact, as a general rule of thumb, if you want to know how stupid you are, check to see if you're paying for an online IQ test. Computers and Internet: Inspiring Us to Create The Internet is sometimes criticized (usually by parents who think their kids need to be outdoors more often) as leading people to be sitting in front of their computers all day growing bulbous, lethargic and (depending on who you talk to) stupid. I think that the opposite can often be true. The Great Challenge of Life Here's the great challenge of life - You can have more than you've got because you can become more than you are.I have found that income seldom will exceed your own personal development. Freudian Slip Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 17, 2003My dilemma is this. I've been going out with my boyfriend for five months. Look To Trees To Help You Keep Balanced And Focused While Achieving Your Dreams Do you remember looking up through the branches of a beautiful, leafy tree, on a warm sunny day? How the sunlight filtering through the lush greeness, seemed to take on an almost magical quality?And do you recall how this golden sunlight and the softly swaying branches almost seemed to be the physical enactment of a song, a whispering melody, just beyond the reach of your ears?Trees, strong and sturdy, with roots deeply entrenched in the ground, while all the time reaching for the heavens or stretching out, giving shelter and protection to all who need it.Which sort of tree are you more drawn to?Are you more like a tall tree that directs its energy upward, always focussing on the next goal and not really given to taking time to relax?Or do you have more in common with the shade giver, reaching out and wanting to experience all that life has to offer you?Perhaps at different points in your life, you're either one or the other, sometimes concentrating hard on accomplishing set targets, allowing no distractions until you've reached them. Weapons of Mass Distraction Anything that draws one away from the business of living and being worthy - such as drugs, alcohol, distractions of all descriptions, and sleep when the intent is oblivion, not to mention the idea of killing oneself - is a means of escaping, a little death, and death itself is the ultimate escape.Anything can be a means of avoiding problems. I Dare You To Be Successful Just imagine how it would feel to be successful.. The Brilliant You, Unreleased! You're a remarkable person. But, you knew that already. Message From An Angel - Is It Yours ? This is a message from an Angel. Can you relate? Is it yours?Golden light shining in the darkness. Following Through Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they've been sitting on my desk for five days now. Lifetime of Discoveries: Moments of Peace and Renewal There are discoveries all around us—small gifts of joy that bring moments of peace and renewal.Yet it is easy to miss the small things of uncommon value and inspiration—the cycles of life in a thriving forest, the perfection of a brilliant flower, the purposefulness of a delicate butterfly, or the spiritual beauty within another soul. Accept Every Invitation How often do you decline an invitation because you have something else you would rather do? Or you're not crazy about the person asking you to join? Or you're not interested in that type of event? Or you feel like doing nothing? ..
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