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Happy Ending
I'm writing to you with a completely shattered heart. I've known my wife for over five years, and we got married last August. It was a fairy tale wedding, everything we always wanted, with about 200 guests. Everyone said by the look on our faces they knew we were in love. For years before the wedding, my wife was completely into me. We spent every night and all weekend together. Our perfect weekend would be a couple of rental movies and a night out to eat. Six months after the wedding I threw a 30th birthday party for my wife and invited all her friends. She had a blast but got very drunk. People were shocked to see her like that, but I was just happy my wife was happy. After the party I noticed she acted different. My wife didn't seem to care about things we made a priority in our life, like having a baby and buying a home. One Saturday morning I found her secretly checking her voice mail messages. I guessed at her access code and guessed correctly. The message I heard was her boss saying how much he missed her and needed to hear the sound of her voice. I started shaking and felt nauseous. He is the same age as me, in great shape, and definitely her type. I went upstairs and confronted my wife. She denied it, but I could see the lie in her face. When I suggested we listen to the voice mail together, she confessed and we both cried. She explained he was there for her because I wasn't there emotionally. She said they only kissed once or twice but never slept together. I want to believe her, but I don't. She seems cold and distant and isn't the same person anymore. Part of me wants her back, and part of me thinks she's too far gone. Doyle Doyle, just because you cried together it doesn't mean you were crying for the same reason. A teenager stealing a CD from a store may cry when he gets caught, but if he succeeded he might hold the CD aloft and boast to his buddies. His tears are not tears of remorse, but tears because of his predicament. Nothing in your letter suggests you weren't there for your wife emotionally, yet she isn't lying when she makes that claim. Who was emotionally disconnected? She was, from you. She doesn't feel the closeness, the loyalty, and the bond you do. Your connection to her would prevent you from doing this to her. She was so disconnected from you she didn't consider you before becoming involved with her boss. She claims you were emotionally distant. She wants you to accept blame for something she never told you. She did not come to her husband and talk. She started dating her boss and hid it from her husband. If she was that miserable, she should have told you. Fidelity is the definition of marriage. What does that mean? When two people decide on marriage, dating stops. Intimate relationships with other people stop. Otherwise, why get married? Your wife is dating again. That kills a marriage. In one of the Upanishads there is an ecstatic passage which begins, "This earth is honey for all beings, and all beings are honey for this earth?" That passage always reminds us what marriage should feel like. A husband should be honey for his wife, and a wife honey for her husband. Home should be a refuge and an oasis. The one who shares that with you should love you simply and completely. To move forward, sooner or later you have to get to the truth. How do you get from where you are to where you want to be, with a woman whose first response was to lie and point the finger at you? Wayne & Tamara Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 3, 2004 About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com" target="_new">www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Information -- Schminformation, Enough Already! We are drowning in it, our grey matter is swollen with it, half the time when we need a piece of it and we know it is "in there" somewhere, we can't access it because the poor Grey Matter Computer is so jammed it takes forever to search for the file and then it's usually "just lost" or was mistakenly deleted. And that's just our brains. Who Are The Underminers? How many of you had the experience growing up of being told in various ways to limit yourselves from being all you can be? The movie "The Incredibles" is a wonderful metaphor for this. In this movie, the superheroes - the people with extraordinary powers - are restricted from using their powers. Abundance Is A Life Style Abundance is a life style, a way of living your life. Itisn't something you buy now and then or pull down from thecupboard, dust off and use once or twice, and then return tothe cupboard. Van Morrison, Spiritual Rock Star Here I am gazing on the Web for extraordinary witnesses of enlightenment yet very popular in the entertainment realm, so that at least everybody that read newagenotebook.com could say "hey, I've seen or heard that person!" As my research focuses randomly on any performer from our time, some pages choose to cite the art of singer Van Morrison. Brilliant Autumn: Reaping a Bounteous Harvest "But if in your thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons, And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing." - Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)The low afternoon sun cast soft rays through a cool October breeze. Overcoming Fear of Terrorism This week I did a radical thing. I bought a newspaper. The True and Magnificent Power of Giving You've probably heard of the popular saying "It's better to give than to receive." But do you actually know what hidden power lies within this magnanimous act known as "giving?"When you give something from your heart without expecting anything in return, you release a powerful force that will trigger your good deed to "bounce" back to you in amazing, and sometimes unusual ways. Directions For Life Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. Memorize your favorite poem. The Fighting Father This man is an Anglican priest but with a difference. You would not want to offend him put it that way. Supercharge Your Dreams! We all accept the fact that the lighter the backpack, the easier and quicker the climb to the top of the mountain. We all understand that the lighter the load on an airplane, the higher and faster it can fly. Getting Past Those Blah Days Get It OutWhen something is bothering you, whether be a family problem or business roadblock, write it down or talk to someone about it. Keeping problems inside only worsen with time. What Inspires You? Have you ever thought? What inspires YOU? What is it that drives you day in and day out? What is it that inspires you?We think of creative people as being inspired and ask about their work. What inspired you to paint, draw, produce this piece of work? What inspired you to make this? Usually the answer is: a book, poem, film, experience, person, a place or in Cole Porter's case the 'phone call from the director'. The Emmaus Journal ~ Quietness The Emmaus Journal QuietnessAs a state of being, quietness is in direct contrast to the World we occupy and the American Lifestyle altogether. The perpetual noise index is at its highest peak within our structured cities that now seem to stretch into endless waves of suburbia. I Dont Like This You always do this wrong, how many times would I have to tell as to how to do the thing right, don't you understand to what I say, I am talking to you, are you listening to what I am saying. It would have been much better if I would have done that myself. The Research Sector Kevin had worked as a barber at The Clipper Joint for the past five years. He has dreams of opening his own barbershop one day. Escape From the Dungeon: Jennifers Survival Story Have you ever been encountered with a trauma in life and not know how your life would be after it was all said and done? This is a story of my trauma and how I survived and how I am taking an extreme tragedy and turning it into something spectacular.This is a story of psychological terror brought on by the hands of my mother. Attitudes - The Overlooked Inventory It goes without question that any business intending to thrive will, sooner or later, be forced into making an honest inventory of assets and liabilities. Yet, whether from a business perspective, or in the going concern of a single human life, we often lose track of our most vital product, our own attitudes. Never Jump to Conclusions Human mind which is well known as a fluctuating prodigy presumes itself to be a great judge. It is so natural for the mind to judge anything that appears to it especially so in the case of other human beings. Tsunamis in the Bible? I have always wondered how the Red Sea parted as described in the Exodus story of Moses.The recent Tsunamis that happened in West Sumatra and the tremendous destruction that came with it got me thinking - was this what really happened to the Egyptian army when they were pursuing the Hebrew people while they were led out of Egypt by Moses?On the internet, many eyewitness accounts can be obtained very fast. What If? What If? What if I can't? What If I can? What I should be thinking Is it in God's plan?What if I couldn't? What if I could? Then I start to wonder If I really should?What if I wouldn't? What if I would? What would I do, If others really understood?What if, I am beautiful, Just as I am. That a scale means nothing, When talking to a human.
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